Intentional Parents

It’s been a long time since I’ve read a book as Biblical, helpful, and encouraging as Laura Hendrickson’s Finding Your Child’s Way on the Autism Spectrum. Laura speaks out of an experience with her autistic son from preschool diagnosis through high school valedictorian.

Laura does an excellent job of weaving her personal experiences, Biblical principles, and practical suggestions together into short, readable chapters. She does not back away from the tougher subjects, such as “How do I discipline my autistic child?” and “What about stims?” or “How should I handle a meltdown?” In fact, the Biblical principles she presents for those subjects–always seasoned with grace–have helped to clarify my thoughts and encourage me to persevere with our autistic daughter.

I am especially thankful for her examples of discipling our special needs children, nudging them closer to Christ even when we don’t know whether they are comprehending spiritual truths.

I was convicted by chapter 8, in which Laura graciously shared what the Lord taught her through watching her son be rejected and ridiculed by others.

Recent statistics cite that 1 out of every 100 children are on the autism spectrum. To those of you who are seeking to be an intentional parent for your autistic child, or for those of you who know a parent of an autistic child, I highly recommend Finding Your Child’s Way on the Autism Spectrum by Dr. Laura Hendrickson, published by Moody Publishers.

When my children were young, I noticed that we would mention an extended family member in a conversation but the children wouldn’t know who we were talking about. Since they saw those family members only occasionally, they didn’t remember them.

A Prayer Photo Album really helped in that situation. I collected a photo of each member of our extended family and compiled those photos in a photo album, one family or individual per page. We also included some friends who lived near or far away, as well as missionaries that our family or church supported.

Each day we would pray for one or two of those friends and family. We would open the album, look at the next photo in the book, and tell that person’s name. If it was a family’s group photo, we reminded the children of everybody’s names. Then we prayed for that person or family.

This practice was a great reminder of absentee relatives or friends. The next time we mentioned one of those people, the children had a face to go with the name. But it also helped to establish the habit of praying for others.

We soon discovered that the Prayer Photo Album could get a bit monotonous if we didn’t know what was happening in those people’s lives. We would have to pray a “generic” prayer for each one, and that got old after several days in a row. So the album was also a great motivation to keep in touch with family members and friends.

These days, with all the social networking Internet sites or even just e-mail, staying in touch can be pretty easy—if you make it a priority. You could make it a point to contact, say, the next five people in the book to find out what is going on in their lives. You wouldn’t necessarily have to ask, “How can we pray for you?” Once you know what is happening in their world, you will have a pretty good idea of how to pray. But feel free to let them know that you are praying for them regularly, if you think it would encourage them.

A Prayer Photo Album—a simple and effective way to value friends and family, plus instill the habit of praying for others.

On Mother’s Day, 2002, we began an unknown journey with our youngest daughter, Hannah. She was four years old and we had finally determined that she has autism. Not the grandest way to spend Mother’s Day, believe me.

I wrestled with many things over the next few years. And if you were to ask me, What are the top three words of advice you would share out of those struggles?”, here is what I would tell you: Be intentional; Do your research; Rest in God’s plan.

In the paragraphs below, I talk about living with a special needs child. You may be dealing with a parent or a spouse with special needs during this season in your life. No matter what special needs you may face, these principles would be my counsel to you.

Be Intentional

When your child is diagnosed with a special need, it’s easy to adopt a victim mentality. You feel like something that isn’t supposed to happen has happened to you, and you can’t do anything about it.

But a victim mentality is not what is best for your family or your children. So in this, as well as in other circumstances, think things through and do what will be best. Just as in other areas of parenting, we must make sure we are not operating out of a default mentality (following the crowd and mindlessly doing what everyone else is doing) or a survival mentality (recklessly doing whatever it takes to survive until the hard times suddenly go away).

You can still be an intentional parent to a special needs child. In fact, our special children need intentional parents all the more.

Do Your Research

The second piece of advice I would share is to do your research. If you don’t know about something, go read, think, and learn. Educate yourself. Dedicate yourself to learning about all the facets of your child’s situation and exploring the pros and cons to all the options you discover.

Listen to others, yes, but don’t assume they know best. Think about what they say, learn all you can, seek God’s guidance, and then do what will be most beneficial for your child.

Not everyone will understand. Not everyone will agree. But if you have done your research and prayed for wisdom, you can move forward with confidence.

Rest in God’s Plan

The third piece of advice I would share is to encourage you to rest in God’s plan for your family. During that first year after Hannah’s diagnosis, we had to severely limit our activities. We couldn’t go on field trips anymore, because Hannah couldn’t handle it. We couldn’t have company over anymore, because we were focused on Hannah’s daily therapy. There are still limits that we deal with today because of those special needs.

As moms tend to do, I began to be concerned about my other children. I began to view the special needs as a problem that was hindering them and could possibly ruin their lives. But God graciously showed me that our situation was not a mistake for any person in our family. He was still very much in control, and He had plans for the other children just as much as He had plans for me on this journey.

Over the years I’ve seen the other children grow in many beautiful ways and develop specific character traits that are a direct result of living with a special-needs sister.

So don’t fret about what the special needs or limitations are doing to the other children. God is big enough to include them in His plan. He has it all worked out. Trust Him and watch what He will do.

Encouragement for Parents

One of the hardest parts about that first year after Hannah’s diagnosis was dealing with the spiritual struggles. I could find books that recommended different therapies, and I saw several books that told other families’ stories, but I couldn’t find the encouragement that I needed to address the spiritual abyss I felt like I was in.

During that year God had orchestrated circumstances so that I was already reading through the Bible. And as I continued that schedule, He was faithful to speak to my various needs and questions through His Word. I recorded that spiritual encouragement in a journal and have made it available for other parents who may be on a similar journey: This Anguishing Blessed Journey.

Also, I’ve pulled several key points from that book and combined them into an article called “Lessons from the Valley.” You can read it free on our Web site.

Dealing with special needs is never an easy path. Yet we can rest on God’s promise that this, too, is for our good. As we walk down that path, holding tightly to His hand, we will also begin to see how it is for His glory.

Recently a friend told me that she was noticing a trend in the church nursery. On her weeks to work in the nursery, she saw older children come to help but without any idea of how to play with the toddlers or take care of the babies. She had to direct each older child and explain how to play or how to hold the little ones.

Among the home skills that our children need to prepare them for adulthood, caring for children should have a prominent place. So many tough decisions come with being a parent, our children would benefit from a good foundation in the basics of caring for their future children. If they already have experience with the fundamentals of caring for a child’s physical needs, they will have a great headstart as new parents.

Attitude to Foster

First and foremost, the right attitude is paramount. A caregiver might fulfill her obligations, but if she carries out her duties with a begrudging, condescending attitude, the children under her care will not thrive.

In child-care, as in so many other aspects of life, our oft-repeated motto applies yet again: “Respect the elder; protect the younger.” As a caregiver, an attitude of respect for the parent’s desires and protection for the child will carry you through many potentially puzzling situations.

This attitude will make all the difference in whether the caregiver spends the majority of his time texting his friends on his phone or interacting thoughtfully with the child in his charge. It will help solve the question of whether to allow the child to try to walk along the top of the picket fence. The motto of “Respect the elder; protect the younger” is a faithful guideline.

Skills to Develop

The best of intentions, however, can’t take the place of practical training in basic child-care skills. Here is a short list of basic skills that will help prepare your children to care for those younger than they are.

1. Meeting needs — The physical needs of babies and young children basically boil down to “food in and food out” needs. Our children need to know that you don’t give a four-month-old a piece of steak and that babies seem to spit out as much as they take in. Also, as is prudent and possible, they need to learn the basics of changing a diaper and helping a toddler use the bathroom. (Please use discretion in mixing genders for the “food out” needs.)
2. Reading books aloud — Work with your children to practice reading simple books aloud with a pleasant, interesting voice. Help them gain experience in using a picture book to teach names of objects patiently and clearly.
3. Playing — This skill will vary depending on the age of the child being cared for. Playing with a three-month-old is vastly different from playing with a three-year-old. Try to make sure your children have experience playing with a variety of ages.
4. Keeping safe — If they are following the “Protect the younger” motto, the children will most likely keep safety as a high priority. It might also be wise to make sure they have a grasp on some basic first-aid “just in case.” (The American Red Cross has a First Aid and Safety handbook that might be helpful.)

Opportunities to Learn

“That’s all well and good,” you might say. “But how can my children gain all this first-hand experience with younger children?” Glad you asked. Here are a few ideas to get things started. You’ll probably find many more opportunities around you.

1. Younger siblings — Babies and young children in the house are prime opportunities for the older children to learn child-care skills firsthand. We just need to make sure older siblings are not so busy that they never spend time caring for the younger or playing with the younger.
2. Adopt a younger family — Part of God’s plan for discipleship is that the older mothers mentor the younger mothers. So look around your church for a younger mom who has younger children and invite her to meet you at a park or to come spend some time at your house. Discipling is best done in everyday situations. Your time together doesn’t have to be spent studying a book or following a program. Form a friendship; encourage the younger mother; give counsel when requested. And coach your older children in caring for that mom’s younger children while you are together. Help them see it as part of your family’s ministry to brothers and sisters in the church.
3. Baby-sit — It works well to transition into a solo baby-sitting job by starting first in your home. Have your older child offer to care for a younger child or baby at your house, rather than at the child’s house. Your older child will be responsible and do the care-giving, but you will be on hand to watch and coach as needed. Once your older child is comfortable and competent baby-sitting at your house, he or she can more confidently transition to giving care alone at the younger child’s house.
4. Nanny position — We were blessed this past year with the opportunity for our oldest daughter, who has graduated from our home school, to nanny during the week. Under the supervision of two godly women, she gained valuable experience with child-caregiving and tutoring, while at the same time ministering to the moms and their families.

Children are a blessing. Let’s do all we can to prepare our children to be parents who welcome and know how to care for their little ones.

I remember a conversation I had with several other moms who were from different regions of the country. We were discussing “common courtesy,” and many of us had different ideas of what constituted courteous actions.

Some insisted on their children’s using “ma’am” and “sir”; others didn’t care about that wording. Some felt insulted when a child left the table before all the other family members were done eating; others had never thought about that practice.

In many ways we were diverse in our definitions of courtesy, but on one thing we all agreed: we could tell very easily when someone was being discourteous or disrespectful. Specific actions might vary, but the underlying attitude could be clearly seen.

Courtesy

Over the years I have seen some parents work hard at teaching their children etiquette, but those same children do not exhibit courtesy. What’s the difference? Etiquette is a way of acting; true courtesy is a heart attitude.

Courtesy is being concerned with the other person’s comfort. It may take different forms in different situations, but the underlying attitude remains.

I’m a firm believer in the principle that common courtesy begins at home. There is no better place to help your children develop the habit of being courteous. Make up your mind now to be consistent: if you wouldn’t allow your child to treat a guest that way, don’t allow him to treat a sibling that way. Concern for the other person’s comfort is the key.

Here, again, the motto of “Respect the older; protect the younger” applies.

Some Personal Specifics

Do you want some specific suggestions? Okay. Here are some of the practices that I have tried to instill in my children as habits of courtesy. Please don’t limit yourself to these, but this list might at least give you a starting place.

• Please and thank you

  From the time they were babies, I have required that my children say “please” and “thank you.” When they were too young to say the words, I taught them the two sign-language signs to communicate those courteous thoughts. And I reinforced the habit by natural consequences. If they didn’t say “please,” I looked at them expectantly and waited until they remembered. When I handed them what they had asked for, I didn’t let go until they said “thank you.” And, of course, I tried to model courtesy by using “please” when I told them to do something: “Please go tell Daddy that it’s time for supper.”

• Returning a greeting

  Even shy children can be encouraged to smile and say “hello” in response to a greeting (before darting behind Mom’s leg). Especially when an older person greets a child, common courtesy dictates that the child respond in kind. We’ve worked hard on this skill with my youngest daughter who has autism. It takes some reminding and some practicing, but it can be done.

• Looking in the eyes

  Try to encourage your children to look the other person in the eye when engaged in a conversation. Looking down or letting your eyes wander around the room can be perceived as rude. One thing that can help with this practice is to make sure you look your child in the eyes when you are communicating with him. And please try to remember to make him look you in the eye when you are praising him, just as much as making him look you in the eye when you are correcting him. It’s easy to do the “Look at me when I’m talking to you” reminder for criticism but not for praise. But eye contact during praise can pave the way for confident eye contact in other conversations too.

• Thank You notes

  We all know how nice it is to receive a thank you note from someone. So let’s teach our children the fine art of encouraging one another by writing thank you notes. Start when they are young and provide personally-preferred notecards as they grow older to help make this practice a habit.

• Telephone manners

  Take some time to help your children practice good telephone courtesy. Role play how you want them to answer the phone, how to lay it down carefully and come get you (rather than drop the receiver and yell across the house), and how to deliver a message accurately. When they get older, work with them to practice writing down a message, getting all the necessary information, and placing the note somewhere prominent to make sure you see it.

Your Specifics

I’m sure you can think of other good manners that you want to instill in your children. Maybe your list would include such courtesies as

• Boys holding the door open for ladies
• Giving up your seat for an older person
• Dinner table etiquette
• Saying “yes, ma’am” and “no, sir”

Specific manners may vary from home to home, but the guiding principles of kindness and respect remain constant. Teach your children those character traits—starting with family members—and common (or perhaps, rare) courtesy will follow more easily.

Tricia Simmons graciously sent me a copy of her new book, Intentional Parenting. It was refreshing to be encouraged and challenged once again in this great responsibility we have as parents.

I especially like her word picture of training our children to cling to Jesus as a vine is trained to cling to a stake or pillar as it grows. Great illustration in the chapter “Train up a Child”! It’s so helpful to think in terms of binding our children to Jesus and trimming away anything that may hinder their growth in the right direction.

Other chapters remind us of our job to teach them diligently the things of the Lord, to be careful that we hold ourselves to the same standard of holiness that we hold up to our children, and to be cautious of allowing the enemy’s lies to gain any foothold in our own thinking or our little ones’.

Tricia reminds us of the important place that Scripture should have in our homes and in our teaching. And she emphasizes the roles that mothers and fathers have been given to fulfill, including a chapter on discipline.

Each chapter ends with helpful, practical tips for living out the principles in everyday life, plus a heartfelt prayer.

Tricia has packed a lot of truth and wisdom into about 100 pages. If you’re looking to recharge your parenting batteries, grab a copy of Intentional Parenting: His Word, Our Actions, Eternal Rewards by Tricia Simmons.

The past few days I’ve been reading a book that has been hard to put down. Let me give you the background first.

Some of the most practical, common-sense parenting books I read when we had young children were written by John Rosemond. In those books he promoted a traditional style of parenting in simple terms. Even though he was a psychologist, he didn’t sound like one; he made sense. He could make a seemingly complicated situation crystal clear and produce confidence in the midst of chaos. (And his sense of humor was a lot of fun too.)

Many of the principles that he presented seemed to be in line with Scripture, but he never claimed to be a believer or referred to the Bible in his books.

Fast forward about 15 years. This past summer I was browsing in a Christian bookstore, and what should I find but a new book by John Rosemond: Parenting by the Book. The introduction is his testimony of how he came to trust Christ and how he has been excited to see parenting principles that he has believed in all these years reflected in Scripture.

The rest of the book is equally engaging as he debunks the popular parenting psychology that has saturated our society and influenced our thinking. He then urges us to return to the traditional, Biblically-based parenting that was common back in “Grandma’s day.” And, as always, he gives lots of practical scenarios and solutions along the way.

Do I agree with everything he says 100%? No. But I heartily agree with about 97%, and I think this book would help a lot of parents who are questioning current trends and wanting to return to “old-fashioned” values.

Here is a smattering of some of the key points the author addresses:

• The difference between self-esteem and Biblical self-respect, and how you use completely different approaches to build each one.
• Why it doesn’t work to try to reason with a belligerent child. (This was an “ah-ha” moment for me: you can’t reason with the sin nature.)
• The 3 R’s of building good character — respect, responsibility, and resourcefulness — and how to cultivate them.
• The importance of parents being leaders in the home, rather than slaves and buddies.
• The necessity of keeping the right goal in mind — raising the child to be a godly adult –and how many parents’ priorities in time, energy, and money undermine that goal.
• How the parent/child relationship progresses through various seasons as the child grows. The author outlines those seasons in simple, eye-opening terms and shows how a failure to transition to the next season can be the cause of many problems.
• The principle that parental leadership is first and foremost an attitude.
• The importance of setting boundaries around your marriage to protect your relationship with your spouse from becoming a “till children do us part” marriage.

Now, I’ll tell you right up front that not everyone will like this book. It’s emphasis is more on the behavior of the child, believing that bad behavior reveals a flaw in the child’s character. While it is true that we need to focus on the hearts of our children, we also cannot ignore their behavior. Both aspects — shepherding the heart and correcting the behavior — are necessary for the intentional parent.

So if you’re ready for some straight-forward, sensible, simple child-rearing advice, read Parenting by the Book. I bet you’ll find it hard to put down too.

PS: If you want to know on which points I disagree with the author, check my comment on this blog post.

I’m sure my hair stylist wondered what was going on when, seventeen years ago, I hauled a high chair into the salon and set it up beside her styling chair. Her eyebrows probably rose when I grabbed a roll of masking tape out of my purse, taped the corners of a sheet of paper to the tray of the high chair, and completed the scene with three crayons of various colors.

That done, I deposited my toddler into the high chair, fastened the safety strap, and told her to have fun drawing. Then I hopped into the stylist’s chair and settled back for a haircut.

Drawing is a wonderful pastime for all ages. You don’t have to be the next Beatrix Potter to enjoy drawing. Give your children (and yourself) the gift of encouragement and plenty of time to draw — both from their own imaginations and duplicating what they see.

Drawing from Your Own Imagination

Even toddlers can draw from their imaginations. Mine quickly learned that throwing a crayon off the high chair tray meant that they wouldn’t get the crayon back. End of discussion. Natural consequence. That’s just the way it was. After that little matter was established, they could entertain themselves quite nicely while I made supper.

One of the secrets to cultivating an imagination in drawing is to give your child more blank sheets of paper than coloring books. Coloring books have their place, but plain paper has much more “scope for the imagination.”

As your children grow, try to provide plenty of paper (It doesn’t have to be new; give them the backs of printed sheets.), pencils, crayons, markers, and colored pencils. Above all, give them large chunks of time to get acquainted with their imaginations and to dabble in different drawing techniques on their own.

Along those lines, here are three random tips for managing children’s art.

1. When your child shows you his drawing, try not to ask, “What is it, honey?” Such words can squelch some children’s enthusiasm (since you obviously couldn’t tell what it was in the first place). Instead, say something like, “I like your drawing. Tell me about it.”
2. Trying to save all the drawings that Junior and Judy create will require a mini-storage unit at some point. Rather than trying to save all their creations, take photos of their drawings and projects. Photos, especially digital ones, take up much less room and can be enjoyed over and over.
3. When it comes time to dispose of a drawing, be cautious of just throwing it in the trash can. An unsuspecting young child may see it there. Try folding the paper with the drawing on the inside, then twisting the paper like a dishrag and placing it in the bottom of the trash. You’re not trying to be sneaky. The child needs to know that you can’t save all his drawings (though you will save a photo of each), but he doesn’t need to witness what happens to his creation after he’s gone to bed.

Drawing What You See

This option seems to be the most intimidating, especially for older children and adults. We can all get frustrated when our drawings don’t look exactly like the model we’re trying to duplicate.

Well, the best way to improve is to keep trying. I don’t think the people who lived in Beatrix Potter’s day had more artistic genes, I think they just took more time to draw. Yes, some of them were naturally gifted, but time and practice can work wonders.

And there is something both peaceful and invigorating about looking closely at a piece of God’s creation and carefully trying to reproduce it on paper.

So when it comes to drawing what you see, embrace the process and just do it! Try to look carefully at the object or scene. Force yourself to slow down and draw only what you see, not what you think it should look like. You may surprise yourself.

Here are a couple of random tips for this kind of drawing too.

1. Sometimes it helps to turn the model object upside down (as long as it’s not a person!) and draw it that way. The unexpected perspective will force you to look more carefully and your mind won’t be able to make as many assumptions as it normally does.
2. Want some encouraging, informal, yet effective lessons? Get Mona Brookes’ book, Drawing with Children: A Creative Method for Adult Beginners, Too. This latest edition contains some extra chapters that aren’t in my older copy, but the core lessons remain. You’ll find step-by-step instructions written in a conversational style with lots of before and after samples by people of various ages.

Try to set aside some time to draw each week — whether out in nature or around the house. Encourage your children’s creative attempts, and give your own drawings grace, as well. From high chairs to sketchbooks, drawing can be an enjoyable pastime for all ages.

Tommy came home from the neighbor’s house where he had been playing. “Mom, is Grandma an angel now?”

“Why do you ask that, Tom?” his mother replied.

“Well, Daniel said that his mom is an angel now.” Daniel’s mother had died in a car accident last year.

“Oh, I see.” Tom’s mother selected her words carefully. “Grandma is in Heaven with the Lord and His angels, but she did not turn into an angel, dear.” Whispering a prayer for wisdom, she continued explaining.

We’ve all faced moments like that—maybe with different questions, but similar moments. If your child is too young to ask such questions now, be assured that those opportunities will come.

And those teachable moments are prime opportunities, but let’s not depend solely on teachable moments to impart truth to our children. As we’ve discussed before, our children need a deep reserve of Bible knowledge in their hearts and minds as well as day-to-day discipleship in “real time” as situations occur. If you haven’t already read that article, you can find it on our Web site.

Today let’s talk about some ideas for intentionally building that reserve of Bible knowledge—Bible doctrine. Don’t panic. “Doctrine” simply means “teaching.” We want our children to have a clear understanding of what the Bible teaches. Here are some tested and tried ideas for endowing our children with that knowledge of Bible doctrine.

Memorize a Catechism

Many families in past generations taught their children a catechism. A catechism is a summary of Bible doctrine written in question-and-answer form. Many catechisms have been written, with just as many variations in wording and teaching. The trick is to find one that represents your beliefs accurately. You might ask your pastor for his recommendation.

Once you have found a catechism you like, you can memorize it just as you would go about memorizing a Scripture verse. Ask the question and help your child memorize the answer. After you have memorized it, continue to review it as you add the next one. Lots of families use this Scripture Memory System to review the questions and answers (along with other Scripture memory passages) throughout the month.

Another activity that can help a child become familiar with a catechism is to have the child copy the questions and answers in his best handwriting. Please don’t make this activity a punishment. Simply set the timer for five minutes and have the child give his best effort for those few minutes. When the timer goes off, put the paper and pencil away for the day. Then do it again either daily or three times a week or whatever. Just remember that the goal is not to see how quickly the child can copy it; the goal is to help the child slow down to pay attention to the words (and to develop within him a habit of giving his best effort in his assignments). You’ll be pleasantly surprised at how much progress those consistent concentrated efforts will produce.

Create a Doctrine Notebook

While memorizing someone else’s summary of Bible doctrine may be a good start, ultimately, we want to train our children to recognize and remember doctrine themselves as they read or hear the Bible. A great way to encourage that habit is to compile a doctrine notebook. You can easily create one as a family. Or you might want to have each of your older children make his or her own notebook. Here’s how it works.

Some scholars in days gone by have categorized Bible doctrine into ten main areas. These ten categories can be helpful as we teach our children:

1. the Bible,
2. God,
3. Jesus Christ,
4. the Holy Spirit,
5. man,
6. sin,
7. salvation,
8. angels (including fallen angels and Satan),
9. the church,
10. future events.

Grab a three-ring binder and insert lots of paper and ten dividers. Label the dividers with the ten doctrines listed above. Then just start reading the Bible. As you find a verse that teaches something about one of those ten doctrines, flip to that section of your notebook and record that truth (along with its reference).

For example, if you began reading in Genesis 1 you would discover a doctrine teaching in verse 1 about God. You could record “In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth (Genesis 1:1)” as the first entry in your notebook in the doctrine of God section.

As you continued reading, you would discover a teaching about the Holy Spirit in verse 2 to record in the doctrine of the Holy Spirit section.

From verses 3-25 you could record all the specific things that God created, or you could simply summarize that first chapter of Genesis by recording “God is the creator of everything (Genesis 1:1-25)” in the doctrine of God section. It’s your notebook; you decide what to write.

Verse 27 could be recorded in the doctrine of Man section since it teaches us that mankind is made in the image of God.

You can record doctrine discoveries from personal devotional reading, sermons, family devotions—whenever and wherever Scripture is read or heard.

As a bonus, once you or your child has read through the entire Bible, looking for and recording doctrine discoveries, go back and read through all the truths in one section of your notebook and try to summarize them on a separate sheet(s) of paper. If you write summaries for all ten doctrines, you will have composed your personal doctrinal statement.

As you have probably noticed, the doctrine notebook is not a quick project. It can be a multiple-year, if not lifelong, pursuit. But what a great habit to instill in our children: keeping an eye out for and systematically recording Biblical truths as they read and hear Scripture!

It’s easy to make your own doctrine notebook, but if you would prefer a ready-made one, two versions are available at our sister site, Simply Charlotte Mason.

The e-book version will give you professional-looking pages that you can print from your computer and put in a binder. You can print as many copies as you need for yourself and/or your children.

The printed version is ready to go, with a professionally designed cover and sturdy spiral binding (so it will lay flat for easy writing).

However you decide to do it, take advantage of one or both of these simple ways to intentionally teach your children Bible doctrine: the catechism and the doctrine notebook.

Saturday was Graduation Day for our oldest. Looking back on these past twelve years of homeschooling and eighteen years of parenting, it can seem overwhelming to think of all that was involved. The years have been filled with meals, laundry, lessons, discipline, prayer, reading, listening, dishes, decisions, driver education, . . . and on and on the list goes.

What’s even more daunting is to think that we’re not done yet. That list must continue into the future because we have three more children to go.

So how did we do it? And how can we continue to do it in the future? And how can you do it? Here’s a key concept: one at a time. Not everything at once. One at a time.

New Ideas

The ideas posted at Intentional Parents were collected and created one at a time over many years. We discovered a new idea, mulled it over, and gave it a try. If it worked well, we hung onto it and told others about it. Then in a little while we discovered another idea and added it to the mix. We didn’t do everything at once right from the beginning.

Maybe you like the idea of the Scripture Memory System, and the idea of the three levels of Bible study, plus the idea of encouraging creativity, oh! and the ideas of looking at great pictures and listening to great music and making music together as a family. And don’t forget the hobby notebooks and . . . .

If you try to start all of that tomorrow, you and your children will become overwhelmed very quickly. Take a lesson from the plate-spinner.

Have you ever seen a plate-spinner? He gets one plate spinning smoothly before he turns his attention to the next plate. Then he just keeps an eye on the plates already spinning while he adds another one to the mix.

When you discover new ideas, take them one at a time. Don’t try to implement them all at once. Get one in place, smoothly operating, then turn your attention to the next one.

New Habits

The same principle applies to forming new habits — whether in yourself or in your children. Sometimes it can seem overwhelming to think about all the good habits we as parents don’t have established yet in our own lives. How can we ever instill them in our children’s lives?

One at a time.

Pray and ask the Lord which habit He wants to cultivate in your life right now. Focus on that one habit until it is firmly in place (probably about six to eight weeks) then move to the next one.

Do the same for your children. Don’t pepper them with five new habits that you want them to start doing right now. Choose one to begin with and give it your full attention for six to eight weeks. Once it is in place, keep an eye on it, but move on to the next habit.

Each Day

Many times over the past eighteen years I remember thinking, “How am I ever going to be able to . . . ?” Fill in the blank. Most times I was worrying about something that was weeks away, or even years away. I was borrowing trouble from the future.

Borrowing trouble from the future leads only to stress and fatigue today. God has promised to give us strength for each day. He doesn’t want us to try to carry the demands and burdens of the next ten years (or even ten days) today.

Take each day one at a time.

Yes, think about the future and make prayerful, wise plans. But don’t allow yourself to get caught in the trap of worrying over the future. God’s grace will meet you at just the time you need it. Rest in that fact.

And remember that life has seasons. Some of you are in the season of life that is filled with diapers, interrupted nights, mounds of laundry, and constant messes. That is a season; take it one day at a time.

Some of you are in the season of life that contains potty training, perpetual motion, and constant conflict resolution. That, too, is a season; take it one day at a time. Things will change.

Some of you are in a season of doctor appointments, limitations, and uncertainty.

Some are in a season of prosperity, joy, and health.

Whatever season you are in now, take the days one at a time. Seasons change. God remains. Don’t borrow trouble from the future.

What do you need to take one at a time: new ideas, new habits, each day? Leave a comment and let us encourage one another — one at a time.