Intentional Parents

We celebrated Hannah’s eleventh birthday by going to the zoo yesterday. She rarely asks for things. I don’t know whether that’s because she doesn’t think about wanting anything or just doesn’t think about expressing that wish. But when she told me a month or so ago that she would like to go to the zoo sometime, I made a mental note to try to make that wish come true. Her birthday seemed like a good time to make it happen.

Since we were going the day before her actual birthday, things were not going to follow their usual birthday routine this year. In the first place, we were going on a birthday trip and choosing one birthday present at the zoo gift shop on Friday. Then Saturday we were going to a bookstore to select more presents before the usual family supper and cake. She handled the changes quite well. She even asked whether she could decorate this afternoon for the family supper, so of course I went to the store to get streamers! And when she got a phone call that some of our family were going to have to come over on Sunday instead of Saturday night, she said, “Okay” and that was that.

We’ve been reintroducing some Brain Gym exercises this past year, trying to help her organize her thoughts. At the beginning of the year, last April, she had a very hard time with the cross-hand-marching exercise. (Imagine marching in place, touching the opposite hand to the opposite knee as it comes up — right hand to left knee, left hand to right knee, etc.) That was a very hard exercise for Hannah and required a lot of concentration. Even then, she would usually lapse into same-hand-to-same-knee motion. Last week it suddenly dawned on me that she was talking to me about something at the same time she was doing the exercise and doing it correctly.

We’ve also been working on teaching her more life skills around the house so she can contribute to the family and enjoy a sense of worthwhile accomplishment. She’s learning to load the dishwasher, wipe the counters, and sweep the floor after a meal. She’s also starting to mop. We’re still working on the details, but it’s good to see her pitching in.

One area of pitching in, in which I had a blind spot, was lunch time. Hannah has always gone to sit at her place at the table and passively wait for a plate of food to be set in front of her. Well, one of her sisters raised the expectations one day when I was gone and walked her through deciding what she wanted to eat, getting it out of the refrigerator and onto the plate, and cleaning up after herself. Later this sister kindly mentioned to me that Hannah could do those things. Of course! How silly of me!

On the academics front, Hannah is progressing from short-A three-letter words to short-I three-letter words. She is starting to understand the concept of rhyming. She can add equations with sums up to five and loves to tell time with analog clocks. She’s improving with her ability to narrate and lately has narrated to me Boy of the Pyramids, A Cricket in Times Square, and God’s World and Johnny. We’re still working on her writing skills, but the birthday messages that she copied recently were legible!

This year I plan to continue working on

• referencing faces and regulating behavior based on that referencing;
• reinforcing the idea that people may have different perspectives — both visually and mentally;
• progress in life skills and academics.

But my main desire this year is that Hannah would grow spiritually. I want to be very careful not to push or coerce her in any way, but I feel the need to increase my prayers for her in this area. Lately I have been praying Ephesians 3:14-21, and I invite you to join me in kneeling before the Father, Who is a good Father and the perfect Parent, and asking that

• He would strengthen Hannah’s inner man by His Spirit;
• Christ would dwell in her heart by faith;
• Hannah would be rooted and grounded in love;
• Hannah would be able to comprehend the love of Christ.

We look to “him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”

“Hey, Mom, what’s for supper?” Have you ever stopped to consider all that is involved in your reply to that question? If you have supper already planned (and some days that’s asking a lot!), you have most likely incorporated these meal-planning skills:

• balancing the food groups,
• encouraging good nutrition,
• adjusting for any activities that may affect upcoming meals or meal times,
• determining how much to buy and make for the number of people eating,
• deciding which food items to keep on hand as staples,
• keeping track of which food items you need to create all the dishes on the menu,
• remembering where to find those food items, and
• whether they will fit within your budget.

Those are all home skills that we need to pass along to our children. And a lot of them are best taught by example and working together. Let your children help you plan, shop for, and prepare meals. Talk them through what you are thinking as you make those plans and that grocery list.

The Five-Step Approach

Remember, talking through the process one time with your children is not enough to make it an engrafted home skill. Use the five-step process we discussed way back at the beginning:

1. Watch – The child watches you do the skill.
2. Help – The child helps you do the skill.
3. Work side-by-side – The child works with you as you do the skill together.
4. Do – The child does the skill while you watch.
5. Inspect – The child does the skill alone, then you inspect the work.

Practical Ideas

Here are some practical ideas about meal planning that I’ve picked up over the years.

1. Meal planning, preparation, and eating times are all ripe (no pun intended) for talking about food groups and nutrition. Of course, it doesn’t have to be the main topic of every meal, but do try to include it when appropriate.
2. One mom I know assigns her older children one meal per week to plan and cook. The children get to decide what they want to serve at the meal and are responsible to give her a list of all the food items they need. She is available to coach, but they are responsible for the meal. Keep in mind that this arrangement is possible only because she took the time to teach them these skills along the way.
3. Here’s a list that I posted on the refrigerator recently to help guide in selecting nutritious, balanced meals.
   A Meal = Protein + Complex carb + Simple carb
   Protein: Milk, yogurt, cheese, eggs, fish, crab, shrimp, turkey, chicken, beef, pork, beans, peanut butter
   Complex Carbs: Millet, bread, cereal, crackers, rice cakes, oats, pasta, rice, tortillas, corn, peas, potatoes, turnips, squash
   Simple Carbs: Fruit, fruit juice, asparagus, beets, broccoli, brussel sprouts, cabbage, carrots, cauliflower, celery, green beans, mushrooms, onions, snow peas, summer squash, tomatoes, zucchini
4. Another mom I know plans enough meals for two weeks then reuses that same plan over and over. So every other Tuesday her family knows that they are eating spaghetti for supper. And every other Friday they can expect tacos. (Hmmmm, might cut down on that “What’s for supper?” question!)
5. Another way to plan meals is to use an index card box. Label three dividers: Main Dish, Side Dish, Dessert, writing each title in a different color. (I suppose you could label them Protein, Complex Card, Simple Carb if you want to follow the terms in 3. above.) Cut some index cards into thirds and color code them to correspond to your three dividers. Now go through your favorite cookbooks or cooking Web sites and start listing one dish per color-matching mini-card. You might also want to note where that recipe is. (I suppose you could use a whole index card per dish instead of a third of a card, but usually a dish’s title isn’t long enough to warrant a whole card.) When it’s time to plan meals, just start matching up one main dish card with one or two side dish cards and set them aside for a meal’s menu. Throw in an occasional dessert card and you’ll have the planning done in no time. The beauty of this system is that you can mix and match for different combinations, plus you can continue to add new cards to the sections as you discover new recipes. (There is probably software that does this for you, but this is the low-tech version.)

Preparing to Minister

Planning and preparing good, nutritious meals is just one way that we can equip our children for ministry to others. Think about how often the opportunity arises to serve with a meal — family members, unsaved neighbors or relatives, Christian brothers and sisters, new mothers in the church family, grieving families, and more. If we can teach and train our children to plan ahead for those opportunities, which might occur at short notice, they will be well equipped for service.

How do you do meal planning? Got any ideas for involving the children in the process? Leave a comment; let’s share ideas.