Intentional Parents

“Dog K” and “Dog 1″ signs for her pet store.

OK, these foam mats have done it again. Today Hannah used them to build three separate creations in my office. It was a pet store scene with a foam dog cage, dog-catcher vehicle, and a counter. If that wasn’t enough, she went down to the craft room to make signs for the pieces.

She came back with a sign that very closely resembled “Dog 1″ for the cage and one that said “Dog K” for the dog catcher vehicle

This is like NT (neurologically typical) children play, isn’t it!

We’ve been working on the concept of “more” in Hannah’s math lessons. Today when we were doing the lesson, it suddenly dawned on me that she was using pronouns correctly in a game that switched them constantly.

Here’s a sample of the conversation that took place in the game, with the meanings of the pronouns in parentheses.
“I (Mom) have 8. What do you (Hannah) have?”
“I (Hannah) have 4.”
“Who has more?”
“You (Mom) do.”

I remember how confusing pronouns seemed a year or two ago. How could I teach her when to use “I” and when to use “you” when their meanings kept changing? At the time, when I was ready to pull out my hair, I set that skill aside and decided to come back to it later. In the meantime, Hannah has “caught” that element of language!

I’m eager to see what else she will “catch” now that she’s tuning in to conversations around her.

The chairs and table that Hannah built in 3-D.

When our neighbors moved, they gave us a set of interlocking foam mats. Each mat is about 12 inches square, and the girls like to fit them together into various shapes. In the past Hannah has always made a flat creation. She has fastened the mats together to form one large mat. Now, she has pretended that large mat was a lake or a beach, so that’s good. But today was different.

Today she built two 3-D chairs and a table from the mats! Three separate objects at the same time, all in 3-D. She even tried to sit in a chair, which collapsed under her weight. So I got her little plastic chair and tucked it under the 3-D foam one. It fit perfectly, and she sat at her little foam table for a long time.

Pretend play and creativity kicked up a notch! Yes!

It’s been a while since our last Hannah update. I guess in a way that is good, since it means we just continue plugging along. But in another way, it means I haven’t noticed any significant events in several months.

Hannah turned nine years old today. It’s been five years since we diagnosed her autism and started this journey. In some ways the time has flown by; in other ways it’s been a long haul.

But through it all the Lord has faithfully led us each step of the way and given us the strength to persevere.

God is good . . . all the time.

I opened the door to Hannah’s bedroom this morning to see her sitting on the floor with several books lined up beside her. And my heart skipped a beat. An image from four years ago instantly flashed across my mind — the image of Hannah lining up all her books and toys instead of playing with them or looking at them like neurologically-typical children do. I immediately began to fish around for possible causes of her regression. Had our recent trip to Florida been too much for her? We returned on Thursday and on Saturday an aunt had arrived for a stay. Had the combination been too much for her and pushed her back into her old “secure” ways?

All of these thoughts flitted across my brain in just a second or two as I stood in the doorway. Then Hannah looked up at me and, with a little smile, started to explain how this was a library, and how one of the toy dogs sitting beside her had picked out this book and the other dog had picked out that book, pointing to the appropriate books in the line-up on the floor, and how she was “reading” the books to the dogs.

She wasn’t regressing; she was pretending! And more than that, she was pretending after a huge change in her surroundings and schedule! Vacations have always been a challenge, especially the first few days back after her secure routine has been in a continual state of upheaval in a different location. But this year she did better than ever on our trip, and I was so thankful to see those books lined up on the floor this morning!

Just thought you’d like to share in the moment!

On this Mother’s Day, 2006, I wanted to take a look backward at how far we’ve come and a look forward at the road ahead, for it was Mother’s Day, 2002, when we started on this journey with Hannah.

May 2006: Playing with a prop for her sisters’ movie: iSundae.

First, how far we’ve come. Here is a description of Hannah’s behavior just after her fourth birthday when we started this journey, contrasted with her behavior now, four years later.

Then: Lack of eye contact; she wouldn’t look anyone in the eyes.

Now: Good eye contact when she wants to; still sometimes hesitant with those outside the family circle.

Then: Played in her own little world; not “connected” with what was going on around her.

Now: Comments on conversations and activities going on around her. For example, when driving in the van recently, I told the girls about a woman who had fallen off a ladder and broken her hip. Hannah immediately piped up and asked, “Is she all right?”

Then: Lay on her bed for hours looking at a toy; not playing with it in the usual sense, just turning it over and over and looking at it.

Now: Plays appropriately with a wide variety of toys.

Then: No pretend play; didn’t know how to pretend.

Now: Likes to pretend play with her sister. Likes to pretend that she is an animal of some kind (to the point that sometimes she gets upset if we call her Hannah instead of the animal’s name that she is pretending to be).

Then: Didn’t acknowledge people coming or going around her.

Now: Announces when Daddy’s or some friends’ vehicle pulls into the driveway, which she can see from the window in her room.

Then: Quit using and saying words that she had previously known and used.

Now: Vocabulary increasing again.

Then: Didn’t carry on a conversation or put together her own words to communicate. Instead she would recite lines from computer programs and music cassette tapes, sometimes at applicable moments, most often just “out of the blue” and not on topic. (The technical term is “delayed echolalia.”)

Now: Sometimes gets stuck asking questions to get answers that she already knows, but uses her own words to put together her own sentences that are usually on topic. Still struggles sometimes to get the word from her brain to her mouth, but will repeat the introductory phrase until she breaks through that wall and the word comes out, then she finishes her sentence.

Then: Lined up blocks, books, puzzles, and toys instead of playing with them.

Now: Builds elaborate houses with blocks; looks at books; puts together puzzles; acts out little people and stuffed animals.

Then: Would not look at a book being read to her; played with her own book or toy instead.

Now: Pays close attention to books being read to her and asks questions about what’s going on; follows the story line in chapter books read aloud to her. We’re reading through the Little House books and are currently on “The Long Winter.” Sometimes she’ll focus on one insignificant detail, but at least she is processing auditorially.

Then: Would not point to anything.

Now: Taps us on the shoulder and points to what she wants us to see; then looks back at our faces to make sure we’re looking at it.

Then: Would not look at something we pointed to; looked at our finger instead.

Now: Follows our finger to focus on the object in the distance that we’re pointing at.

Then: Would have sporadic outbursts of yelling “no, no, no” for unknown reasons, not just when challenged but in the middle of playing by herself.

Now: No outbursts. She is learning self-control. Sometimes we have tears when challenged, but she is becoming better at moving forward past the tears and on to the next thing.

Then: Would stand still for hugs, but not open her arms to return them.

Now: Still needs to be reminded to use her arms for hugs.

Then: Looked at her plate during meal times or sat with her arm over her face.

Now: Eats at her place. Passes objects within her reach when they are requested. Sometimes participates in the conversation.

Then: Would grab our hand and pull us to what she wanted, instead of verbally requesting it.

Now: Verbally requests what she wants throughout the day. However, sometimes at the table she will sit with the garlic salt beside her plate, waiting for someone to notice and help her sprinkle it.

Then: Would repeat a sequence continually in playing. For example, jump off the step, touch the table, put the stuffed animal under the chair, take the stuffed animal out from under the chair, return to the step; jump off the step, touch the table, etc.

Now: Routines are decreasing and we’ve had some interesting conversations about what constitutes a routine that needs to be changed versus a good routine.

Then: Was fascinated with lights and ceiling fans; she would stare at them for several minutes at a time.

Now: Hasn’t demonstrated this obsession in a long time. Does, however, laugh with joy over sudden loud noises. We’re curious . . .

Then: Entranced with fire. (She was singing for several days “Happy Birthday to you, now blow out the candles.” At her fourth birthday, she sat staring at the flames and wouldn’t respond to our encouragement to blow out the candles. After the flames were extinguished, she returned to singing and reciting the phrases.)

Now: Eagerly participates in birthdays and holidays. Hasn’t yet mastered the art of blowing but enjoys the whole tradition.

Then: Used a high-pitched voice to resist when challenged.

Now: Uses the high-pitched voice only when acting out little characters in play. Still needs to work on inflection and volume.

We are so thankful to God for every inch of progress He has graciously granted Hannah. Now, a look at the road ahead: the work still to be done prayerfully and persistently. Here are the goals we are currently working on.

• Aware of effect on communication when out of sight or too far away (She can squeal quite loudly when excited, but won’t raise her voice in a crowded room so we can hear what she’s saying.)
• Accurately expresses and shares expressions of happiness, anger, sadness, and fear (She can recognize all four in photos, but not in herself or other real people in real situations that prompt those feelings.)
• Recognizes and responds in a sensitive manner when social partners express feelings (Laughter still tends to be her first response when a person gets hurt.)
• Appreciates humor used in a non-scripted manner (Thanks to John, she is progressing in this goal!)
• Synchronizes with partner (She synchronizes to a degree when playing with Sarah, but we still need to work on this one.)

Please pray that we will not grow weary in well-doing and that we will have the wisdom to know when to push and when to back off.

Tomorrow is Hannah’s birthday. She will turn eight years old! Somehow it’s harder for me to wrap my mind around “eight” than it was “seven” last year. “Eight” seems so “big girl”-ish. We’re thinking she’s progressed to about three years old socially. The “why”s are continuing, but she’s getting more sophisticated in her interaction with her sisters:

Hannah – “Can you play with me?”

Sister – “I can’t right now.”

Hannah – “Why?”

Sister – “I have to finish my school work.”

Hannah – “Then can you play with me?”

OR

Hannah – “I thought we could play together.”

Sister – “Not right now.”

Hannah – “Why?”

Sister – “I’m reading a book.”

Hannah – “Will you play with me at 2:00?”

Sister – “We’ll see then.”

Hannah – “I thought we could play together.”

Her latest fascination is with stains. She spots them (no pun intended) and points them out everywhere and on everything. She seems to be able to handle the fact that some stains won’t come out, however, which is a big step in the right direction.

I would appreciate your prayers as I try a new idea this week. We’ve read the story of Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection many times, but she doesn’t seem to grasp the salvation message yet. A couple of weeks ago the idea came to me that she might “connect” with a Wordless Book. Hannah is always quite focused on colors and remembers them vividly. Words are more confusing. So last night I put together a Wordless Book out of construction paper, and I’m planning to show her one colored page each day and tell her briefly what it reminds us of.

This morning I showed her the first page: a piece of brown construction paper with a big black stain spot on it. I told her that the black stain (remember, she’s into stains right now) reminds us of the wrong things we do. I gave her a couple of examples of wrong things she had done, and her head started to bow. Then I told her that we all do wrong things; they’re called “sin.” And I assured her that tomorrow we would talk about a way to get rid of the sin. Hmmm, maybe we’ll need to do both the red and white pages tomorrow. We’ll see.

Some of you are aware that I ended up making an unexpected trip to the hospital in the middle of the night a couple of weeks ago. It was tough for Hannah to wake up and find Mommy gone for a few days, but she has settled back in now that I’m home. The girls have been such a help during this recovery from my surgery, and this week I’m feeling strong enough to take over Hannah’s school work again.

Thanks for your prayers for my recovery and Hannah’s salvation!

I’m so excited, I just had to drop y’all a quick note to tell you that Hannah has started spontaneously rhyming! Every once in a while over the past few weeks she’ll latch onto a word we use (or she uses) in a conversation and say it along with a word that rhymes with it. For example, just now when we were changing sheets, she told me she wanted to put Pooh sheets on her bed. Then she said, “Pooh, Roo; that rhymes.”

Hurrah! Another baby step toward reading!

Check back here regularly to read more reports as we continue on this journey with Hannah.

Each dog sporting its beginning-sound letter.

Number Two daughter just came up from Hannah’s school room to tell me that Hannah lined up her collection of toy dogs and put a magnetic letter by each one. The letters corresponded to the dogs’ names: P for Pepper, S for Salt, F for Fifi, M for Mimi, and J for Jake.

The best part is that daughter Number Two just walked in, discovered the scene, and ran for the camera. Hannah decided to play with the letters and figured out the dogs’ beginning sounds all on her own!

Just wanted to share some potentially positive observations we’ve seen lately with Hannah.

First, her auditory processing seems to be improving. As part of her schoolwork each day, I read aloud a chapter from a children’s classic book. Right now we’re working our way through On the Banks of Plum Creek. There aren’t many pictures and I wasn’t sure how much of the story line she was comprehending. I would often skip sentences that I thought were not crucial to the plot in order to keep things moving along.

Well, a couple of days ago we ended up reading our chapter with Hannah sitting across the room from me so she could be in a makeshift tent that was in the room. I thought, “Oh, great. This will be a waste of time. She’s going to get really distracted.” But then I came to the part where Laura and Mary go wading in the creek and find a crab — except the paragraph doesn’t say that it’s a crab; it simply describes the animal. I read the description and took a breath to start the next paragraph, when Hannah caught my eye and said, "I think that’s a crab."

Then today when we were reading about Laura and Mary’s first day at school, I read the paragraph about their feeling awkward because their dresses were too short. The paragraph explained that the dresses were short because Mary and Laura had outgrown them, but I didn’t read that part. After we finished the chapter, Hannah looked at me and asked, “Why was Laura’s dress short?” I said, “She had grown too big for it.” Hannah smiled.

Which brings us to our second observation: Hannah has progressed in her social development to the point that she is often asking “Why?” I remember a few months ago determining that she was probably around the 18-month stage in social development. So, as annoying as the Why’s can get sometimes, we’re thankful that they mean progress. Seems like the Why stage is closer to two-year-olds or maybe even two-and-a-half.

Third, her verbal social interaction is improving. It’s quite common to hear her little voice asking a sister, "Will you play with me?" And if the sister is busy doing schoolwork, Hannah quietly goes to find something else to do. Her play skills are getting better too. Just today, when her sister helped her hunt for a certain toy, Hannah responded with, “Thank you for finding it for me” unprompted.

We’re thankful for these little glimpses of progress as we go through the days. She still is struggling with fine motor skills and reading skills, which can make our schoolwork sessions seem a bit repetitive (at least to me). But she cooperates happily when it is time to do schoolwork, and the Lord continues to bring us just the resources we need at the right times. Thanks for your continuing encouragement and prayers. Please pray especially that God would prepare her heart to understand salvation . . . in His time.