Intentional Parents

The past few days I’ve been reading a book that has been hard to put down. Let me give you the background first.

Some of the most practical, common-sense parenting books I read when we had young children were written by John Rosemond. In those books he promoted a traditional style of parenting in simple terms. Even though he was a psychologist, he didn’t sound like one; he made sense. He could make a seemingly complicated situation crystal clear and produce confidence in the midst of chaos. (And his sense of humor was a lot of fun too.)

Many of the principles that he presented seemed to be in line with Scripture, but he never claimed to be a believer or referred to the Bible in his books.

Fast forward about 15 years. This past summer I was browsing in a Christian bookstore, and what should I find but a new book by John Rosemond: Parenting by the Book. The introduction is his testimony of how he came to trust Christ and how he has been excited to see parenting principles that he has believed in all these years reflected in Scripture.

The rest of the book is equally engaging as he debunks the popular parenting psychology that has saturated our society and influenced our thinking. He then urges us to return to the traditional, Biblically-based parenting that was common back in “Grandma’s day.” And, as always, he gives lots of practical scenarios and solutions along the way.

Do I agree with everything he says 100%? No. But I heartily agree with about 97%, and I think this book would help a lot of parents who are questioning current trends and wanting to return to “old-fashioned” values.

Here is a smattering of some of the key points the author addresses:

• The difference between self-esteem and Biblical self-respect, and how you use completely different approaches to build each one.
• Why it doesn’t work to try to reason with a belligerent child. (This was an “ah-ha” moment for me: you can’t reason with the sin nature.)
• The 3 R’s of building good character — respect, responsibility, and resourcefulness — and how to cultivate them.
• The importance of parents being leaders in the home, rather than slaves and buddies.
• The necessity of keeping the right goal in mind — raising the child to be a godly adult –and how many parents’ priorities in time, energy, and money undermine that goal.
• How the parent/child relationship progresses through various seasons as the child grows. The author outlines those seasons in simple, eye-opening terms and shows how a failure to transition to the next season can be the cause of many problems.
• The principle that parental leadership is first and foremost an attitude.
• The importance of setting boundaries around your marriage to protect your relationship with your spouse from becoming a “till children do us part” marriage.

Now, I’ll tell you right up front that not everyone will like this book. It’s emphasis is more on the behavior of the child, believing that bad behavior reveals a flaw in the child’s character. While it is true that we need to focus on the hearts of our children, we also cannot ignore their behavior. Both aspects — shepherding the heart and correcting the behavior — are necessary for the intentional parent.

So if you’re ready for some straight-forward, sensible, simple child-rearing advice, read Parenting by the Book. I bet you’ll find it hard to put down too.

PS: If you want to know on which points I disagree with the author, check my comment on this blog post.

On my bookshelf are some three-prong pocket folders that hold many memories. They are trip journals that my daughters created during a family vacation years ago. It took me about fifteen minutes to put them together and they cost about fifty cents each, but what they became is priceless.

Trip journals are a great way to incorporate “school work” into everyday life. The journals that we created combined geography, handwriting, composition, nature study, art, and math. Here’s how.

Grab a three-prong pocket folder for each child. Make some section title pages as outlined below and assemble the trip journals. Gather some colored pencils and you’re ready to go.

• The Route We Took

  In this section of the journal put a highway map of each state or province you will be traveling through. The kids can trace your route as you make your way down the roads.

• Neighbors We Saw

  Put a full country map in this section so the kids can locate and color in the states or provinces as they see those “neighbors’ ” license plates on the highways.

• My Trip Journal

  This section simply houses a lot of notebook paper and maybe some plain copy paper too. As you go through the day, encourage your child to write down what he observes and does along the trip. You may want to give him time to write as you make various stops along the way, or you might just want him to enter a day’s summary each evening. The plain paper can be used for sketching. Your child might sketch flowers or trees he discovers, or he might want to draw a landmark or building that interests him. Try to make sure he puts the date and location on each entry or sketch to help prompt his memory later. You can also use the pockets in the folders to hold ticket stubs, brochures, postcards, and other memorabilia.

• My Trip Budget

  Older children can have a section in their trip journals that helps them track their spending. Just insert a few simple ledger sheets on which your child can keep track of his starting balance, purchases along the way, and a running balance. If your child isn’t old enough to track his spending, just leave this section out.

• The Trip in Pictures

  Put plain copy paper in this section and be sure to take along a digital camera. Take a lot of photos on the trip, then when you get home, let the child select which ones he wants to include in his trip journal. He can add captions or short descriptions under the photos as he adds them to this section.

We gave each of the older children a trip journal and allowed them to create their own covers. If your child doesn’t put it on the cover, you might want to insert a title page at the front of the journal that tells who is going on the trip, the destination, and the dates.

Our youngest at the time was still in the scribble stage, so her trip journal was full of just plain copy paper. She could scribble all she wanted. We also gave her a package of those inexpensive star stickers (the kind that are shiny foil and come about 1,000 to a package). She could make designs with those stickers all over the pages of her journal during the trip, and we could still add photos in the back, just like all the other children, after we arrived home.

Trip journals can be as elaborate or as simple as you want them to be. You can use fancy paper and your computer printer to create the section title pages, or you can use copy paper and a felt-tip marker; it’s up to you. You can use the sections as outlined above or you can make up some of your own; it’s your call. However you make them, trip journals can be great fun and a great way to encourage practical “school” skills. Give them a try on your next trip.

If you would like to save a few minutes, you can download ready-made title and section pages for your trip journal on our sister site, Simply Charlotte Mason.

I’m sure my hair stylist wondered what was going on when, seventeen years ago, I hauled a high chair into the salon and set it up beside her styling chair. Her eyebrows probably rose when I grabbed a roll of masking tape out of my purse, taped the corners of a sheet of paper to the tray of the high chair, and completed the scene with three crayons of various colors.

That done, I deposited my toddler into the high chair, fastened the safety strap, and told her to have fun drawing. Then I hopped into the stylist’s chair and settled back for a haircut.

Drawing is a wonderful pastime for all ages. You don’t have to be the next Beatrix Potter to enjoy drawing. Give your children (and yourself) the gift of encouragement and plenty of time to draw — both from their own imaginations and duplicating what they see.

Drawing from Your Own Imagination

Even toddlers can draw from their imaginations. Mine quickly learned that throwing a crayon off the high chair tray meant that they wouldn’t get the crayon back. End of discussion. Natural consequence. That’s just the way it was. After that little matter was established, they could entertain themselves quite nicely while I made supper.

One of the secrets to cultivating an imagination in drawing is to give your child more blank sheets of paper than coloring books. Coloring books have their place, but plain paper has much more “scope for the imagination.”

As your children grow, try to provide plenty of paper (It doesn’t have to be new; give them the backs of printed sheets.), pencils, crayons, markers, and colored pencils. Above all, give them large chunks of time to get acquainted with their imaginations and to dabble in different drawing techniques on their own.

Along those lines, here are three random tips for managing children’s art.

1. When your child shows you his drawing, try not to ask, “What is it, honey?” Such words can squelch some children’s enthusiasm (since you obviously couldn’t tell what it was in the first place). Instead, say something like, “I like your drawing. Tell me about it.”
2. Trying to save all the drawings that Junior and Judy create will require a mini-storage unit at some point. Rather than trying to save all their creations, take photos of their drawings and projects. Photos, especially digital ones, take up much less room and can be enjoyed over and over.
3. When it comes time to dispose of a drawing, be cautious of just throwing it in the trash can. An unsuspecting young child may see it there. Try folding the paper with the drawing on the inside, then twisting the paper like a dishrag and placing it in the bottom of the trash. You’re not trying to be sneaky. The child needs to know that you can’t save all his drawings (though you will save a photo of each), but he doesn’t need to witness what happens to his creation after he’s gone to bed.

Drawing What You See

This option seems to be the most intimidating, especially for older children and adults. We can all get frustrated when our drawings don’t look exactly like the model we’re trying to duplicate.

Well, the best way to improve is to keep trying. I don’t think the people who lived in Beatrix Potter’s day had more artistic genes, I think they just took more time to draw. Yes, some of them were naturally gifted, but time and practice can work wonders.

And there is something both peaceful and invigorating about looking closely at a piece of God’s creation and carefully trying to reproduce it on paper.

So when it comes to drawing what you see, embrace the process and just do it! Try to look carefully at the object or scene. Force yourself to slow down and draw only what you see, not what you think it should look like. You may surprise yourself.

Here are a couple of random tips for this kind of drawing too.

1. Sometimes it helps to turn the model object upside down (as long as it’s not a person!) and draw it that way. The unexpected perspective will force you to look more carefully and your mind won’t be able to make as many assumptions as it normally does.
2. Want some encouraging, informal, yet effective lessons? Get Mona Brookes’ book, Drawing with Children: A Creative Method for Adult Beginners, Too. This latest edition contains some extra chapters that aren’t in my older copy, but the core lessons remain. You’ll find step-by-step instructions written in a conversational style with lots of before and after samples by people of various ages.

Try to set aside some time to draw each week — whether out in nature or around the house. Encourage your children’s creative attempts, and give your own drawings grace, as well. From high chairs to sketchbooks, drawing can be an enjoyable pastime for all ages.

Tommy came home from the neighbor’s house where he had been playing. “Mom, is Grandma an angel now?”

“Why do you ask that, Tom?” his mother replied.

“Well, Daniel said that his mom is an angel now.” Daniel’s mother had died in a car accident last year.

“Oh, I see.” Tom’s mother selected her words carefully. “Grandma is in Heaven with the Lord and His angels, but she did not turn into an angel, dear.” Whispering a prayer for wisdom, she continued explaining.

We’ve all faced moments like that—maybe with different questions, but similar moments. If your child is too young to ask such questions now, be assured that those opportunities will come.

And those teachable moments are prime opportunities, but let’s not depend solely on teachable moments to impart truth to our children. As we’ve discussed before, our children need a deep reserve of Bible knowledge in their hearts and minds as well as day-to-day discipleship in “real time” as situations occur. If you haven’t already read that article, you can find it on our Web site.

Today let’s talk about some ideas for intentionally building that reserve of Bible knowledge—Bible doctrine. Don’t panic. “Doctrine” simply means “teaching.” We want our children to have a clear understanding of what the Bible teaches. Here are some tested and tried ideas for endowing our children with that knowledge of Bible doctrine.

Memorize a Catechism

Many families in past generations taught their children a catechism. A catechism is a summary of Bible doctrine written in question-and-answer form. Many catechisms have been written, with just as many variations in wording and teaching. The trick is to find one that represents your beliefs accurately. You might ask your pastor for his recommendation.

Once you have found a catechism you like, you can memorize it just as you would go about memorizing a Scripture verse. Ask the question and help your child memorize the answer. After you have memorized it, continue to review it as you add the next one. Lots of families use this Scripture Memory System to review the questions and answers (along with other Scripture memory passages) throughout the month.

Another activity that can help a child become familiar with a catechism is to have the child copy the questions and answers in his best handwriting. Please don’t make this activity a punishment. Simply set the timer for five minutes and have the child give his best effort for those few minutes. When the timer goes off, put the paper and pencil away for the day. Then do it again either daily or three times a week or whatever. Just remember that the goal is not to see how quickly the child can copy it; the goal is to help the child slow down to pay attention to the words (and to develop within him a habit of giving his best effort in his assignments). You’ll be pleasantly surprised at how much progress those consistent concentrated efforts will produce.

Create a Doctrine Notebook

While memorizing someone else’s summary of Bible doctrine may be a good start, ultimately, we want to train our children to recognize and remember doctrine themselves as they read or hear the Bible. A great way to encourage that habit is to compile a doctrine notebook. You can easily create one as a family. Or you might want to have each of your older children make his or her own notebook. Here’s how it works.

Some scholars in days gone by have categorized Bible doctrine into ten main areas. These ten categories can be helpful as we teach our children:

1. the Bible,
2. God,
3. Jesus Christ,
4. the Holy Spirit,
5. man,
6. sin,
7. salvation,
8. angels (including fallen angels and Satan),
9. the church,
10. future events.

Grab a three-ring binder and insert lots of paper and ten dividers. Label the dividers with the ten doctrines listed above. Then just start reading the Bible. As you find a verse that teaches something about one of those ten doctrines, flip to that section of your notebook and record that truth (along with its reference).

For example, if you began reading in Genesis 1 you would discover a doctrine teaching in verse 1 about God. You could record “In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth (Genesis 1:1)” as the first entry in your notebook in the doctrine of God section.

As you continued reading, you would discover a teaching about the Holy Spirit in verse 2 to record in the doctrine of the Holy Spirit section.

From verses 3-25 you could record all the specific things that God created, or you could simply summarize that first chapter of Genesis by recording “God is the creator of everything (Genesis 1:1-25)” in the doctrine of God section. It’s your notebook; you decide what to write.

Verse 27 could be recorded in the doctrine of Man section since it teaches us that mankind is made in the image of God.

You can record doctrine discoveries from personal devotional reading, sermons, family devotions—whenever and wherever Scripture is read or heard.

As a bonus, once you or your child has read through the entire Bible, looking for and recording doctrine discoveries, go back and read through all the truths in one section of your notebook and try to summarize them on a separate sheet(s) of paper. If you write summaries for all ten doctrines, you will have composed your personal doctrinal statement.

As you have probably noticed, the doctrine notebook is not a quick project. It can be a multiple-year, if not lifelong, pursuit. But what a great habit to instill in our children: keeping an eye out for and systematically recording Biblical truths as they read and hear Scripture!

It’s easy to make your own doctrine notebook, but if you would prefer a ready-made one, two versions are available at our sister site, Simply Charlotte Mason.

The e-book version will give you professional-looking pages that you can print from your computer and put in a binder. You can print as many copies as you need for yourself and/or your children.

The printed version is ready to go, with a professionally designed cover and sturdy spiral binding (so it will lay flat for easy writing).

However you decide to do it, take advantage of one or both of these simple ways to intentionally teach your children Bible doctrine: the catechism and the doctrine notebook.

Saturday was Graduation Day for our oldest. Looking back on these past twelve years of homeschooling and eighteen years of parenting, it can seem overwhelming to think of all that was involved. The years have been filled with meals, laundry, lessons, discipline, prayer, reading, listening, dishes, decisions, driver education, . . . and on and on the list goes.

What’s even more daunting is to think that we’re not done yet. That list must continue into the future because we have three more children to go.

So how did we do it? And how can we continue to do it in the future? And how can you do it? Here’s a key concept: one at a time. Not everything at once. One at a time.

New Ideas

The ideas posted at Intentional Parents were collected and created one at a time over many years. We discovered a new idea, mulled it over, and gave it a try. If it worked well, we hung onto it and told others about it. Then in a little while we discovered another idea and added it to the mix. We didn’t do everything at once right from the beginning.

Maybe you like the idea of the Scripture Memory System, and the idea of the three levels of Bible study, plus the idea of encouraging creativity, oh! and the ideas of looking at great pictures and listening to great music and making music together as a family. And don’t forget the hobby notebooks and . . . .

If you try to start all of that tomorrow, you and your children will become overwhelmed very quickly. Take a lesson from the plate-spinner.

Have you ever seen a plate-spinner? He gets one plate spinning smoothly before he turns his attention to the next plate. Then he just keeps an eye on the plates already spinning while he adds another one to the mix.

When you discover new ideas, take them one at a time. Don’t try to implement them all at once. Get one in place, smoothly operating, then turn your attention to the next one.

New Habits

The same principle applies to forming new habits — whether in yourself or in your children. Sometimes it can seem overwhelming to think about all the good habits we as parents don’t have established yet in our own lives. How can we ever instill them in our children’s lives?

One at a time.

Pray and ask the Lord which habit He wants to cultivate in your life right now. Focus on that one habit until it is firmly in place (probably about six to eight weeks) then move to the next one.

Do the same for your children. Don’t pepper them with five new habits that you want them to start doing right now. Choose one to begin with and give it your full attention for six to eight weeks. Once it is in place, keep an eye on it, but move on to the next habit.

Each Day

Many times over the past eighteen years I remember thinking, “How am I ever going to be able to . . . ?” Fill in the blank. Most times I was worrying about something that was weeks away, or even years away. I was borrowing trouble from the future.

Borrowing trouble from the future leads only to stress and fatigue today. God has promised to give us strength for each day. He doesn’t want us to try to carry the demands and burdens of the next ten years (or even ten days) today.

Take each day one at a time.

Yes, think about the future and make prayerful, wise plans. But don’t allow yourself to get caught in the trap of worrying over the future. God’s grace will meet you at just the time you need it. Rest in that fact.

And remember that life has seasons. Some of you are in the season of life that is filled with diapers, interrupted nights, mounds of laundry, and constant messes. That is a season; take it one day at a time.

Some of you are in the season of life that contains potty training, perpetual motion, and constant conflict resolution. That, too, is a season; take it one day at a time. Things will change.

Some of you are in a season of doctor appointments, limitations, and uncertainty.

Some are in a season of prosperity, joy, and health.

Whatever season you are in now, take the days one at a time. Seasons change. God remains. Don’t borrow trouble from the future.

What do you need to take one at a time: new ideas, new habits, each day? Leave a comment and let us encourage one another — one at a time.

“Hey, Mom, what’s for supper?” Have you ever stopped to consider all that is involved in your reply to that question? If you have supper already planned (and some days that’s asking a lot!), you have most likely incorporated these meal-planning skills:

• balancing the food groups,
• encouraging good nutrition,
• adjusting for any activities that may affect upcoming meals or meal times,
• determining how much to buy and make for the number of people eating,
• deciding which food items to keep on hand as staples,
• keeping track of which food items you need to create all the dishes on the menu,
• remembering where to find those food items, and
• whether they will fit within your budget.

Those are all home skills that we need to pass along to our children. And a lot of them are best taught by example and working together. Let your children help you plan, shop for, and prepare meals. Talk them through what you are thinking as you make those plans and that grocery list.

The Five-Step Approach

Remember, talking through the process one time with your children is not enough to make it an engrafted home skill. Use the five-step process we discussed way back at the beginning:

1. Watch – The child watches you do the skill.
2. Help – The child helps you do the skill.
3. Work side-by-side – The child works with you as you do the skill together.
4. Do – The child does the skill while you watch.
5. Inspect – The child does the skill alone, then you inspect the work.

Practical Ideas

Here are some practical ideas about meal planning that I’ve picked up over the years.

1. Meal planning, preparation, and eating times are all ripe (no pun intended) for talking about food groups and nutrition. Of course, it doesn’t have to be the main topic of every meal, but do try to include it when appropriate.
2. One mom I know assigns her older children one meal per week to plan and cook. The children get to decide what they want to serve at the meal and are responsible to give her a list of all the food items they need. She is available to coach, but they are responsible for the meal. Keep in mind that this arrangement is possible only because she took the time to teach them these skills along the way.
3. Here’s a list that I posted on the refrigerator recently to help guide in selecting nutritious, balanced meals.
   A Meal = Protein + Complex carb + Simple carb
   Protein: Milk, yogurt, cheese, eggs, fish, crab, shrimp, turkey, chicken, beef, pork, beans, peanut butter
   Complex Carbs: Millet, bread, cereal, crackers, rice cakes, oats, pasta, rice, tortillas, corn, peas, potatoes, turnips, squash
   Simple Carbs: Fruit, fruit juice, asparagus, beets, broccoli, brussel sprouts, cabbage, carrots, cauliflower, celery, green beans, mushrooms, onions, snow peas, summer squash, tomatoes, zucchini
4. Another mom I know plans enough meals for two weeks then reuses that same plan over and over. So every other Tuesday her family knows that they are eating spaghetti for supper. And every other Friday they can expect tacos. (Hmmmm, might cut down on that “What’s for supper?” question!)
5. Another way to plan meals is to use an index card box. Label three dividers: Main Dish, Side Dish, Dessert, writing each title in a different color. (I suppose you could label them Protein, Complex Card, Simple Carb if you want to follow the terms in 3. above.) Cut some index cards into thirds and color code them to correspond to your three dividers. Now go through your favorite cookbooks or cooking Web sites and start listing one dish per color-matching mini-card. You might also want to note where that recipe is. (I suppose you could use a whole index card per dish instead of a third of a card, but usually a dish’s title isn’t long enough to warrant a whole card.) When it’s time to plan meals, just start matching up one main dish card with one or two side dish cards and set them aside for a meal’s menu. Throw in an occasional dessert card and you’ll have the planning done in no time. The beauty of this system is that you can mix and match for different combinations, plus you can continue to add new cards to the sections as you discover new recipes. (There is probably software that does this for you, but this is the low-tech version.)

Preparing to Minister

Planning and preparing good, nutritious meals is just one way that we can equip our children for ministry to others. Think about how often the opportunity arises to serve with a meal — family members, unsaved neighbors or relatives, Christian brothers and sisters, new mothers in the church family, grieving families, and more. If we can teach and train our children to plan ahead for those opportunities, which might occur at short notice, they will be well equipped for service.

How do you do meal planning? Got any ideas for involving the children in the process? Leave a comment; let’s share ideas.

Smooth and easy. Do those two words describe your home life? Would you like them to? Of course, life will always throw us some curve balls, but wouldn’t it be nice to have more smooth and easy days?

You can. But it will take some work first.

Charlotte Mason said, “The mother who takes pains to endow her children with good habits secures for herself smooth and easy days; while she who lets their habits take care of themselves has a weary life of endless friction with the children.”

That’s the secret to smooth and easy days: take pains now to endow your children with good habits. (Notice that word “endow.” You are making an investment in their lives that will benefit them for years to come.)

More Than Brushing Teeth

We usually think of habits in terms of our children’s brushing their teeth and making their beds. But habits can include so much more. If you think about it, character is really a collection of habits. You can teach your child to have the habit of obedience, truthfulness, or kindness just like you can teach him to have the habit of hanging up his coat. How would your home life be better if your children had the habit of obedience or of attentiveness?

Habit is a matter of doing something so often that you eventually do it almost without thinking about it. All right, here’s your science lesson for today. Your brain has neurons that talk to each other. Every time you repeat an action or repeat a thought process, certain neurons talk to other certain neurons. And every time those neurons talk to those other neurons, they lay down a path between them (to put it in layman’s terms). The more those neurons follow that same path, the more you find yourself thinking that thought or doing that action without making a conscious decision to do so. That’s when it is a habit.

Charlotte likened the process to laying down the rails of a railroad track. You have to intentionally lay down the rails correctly; then the train can roll on those tracks without even “thinking” about them. As parents, it’s our duty to lay down those rails in our children’s lives. Help them form habits that will make their lives run easily in the future, and give us smooth and easy days in the meantime!

How To Lay Down the Rails

1. Pick ONE

   Decide on just one habit to work on and devote yourself to encouraging and cultivating that habit for about six to eight weeks. One at a time will keep you focused and seeing progress without confusion. If it takes two months per habit, you can still add six new habits each year.

2. Work Together

   If your child is old enough, have a short, positive talk with him and explain the benefits of the new habit and how it will make his life easier now and in the future. Seek to come alongside him and work together as a team to lay down this new rail in his life. Pray for and with your child as you both seek to instill this good habit.

3. Motivate

   Motivate your child with living examples of other people (in books or in person) who exhibit that new habit. Also motivate with consequences — both good and bad. Remember Hebrews 10:24 and seek to encourage and spur your child on toward love and good deeds.

4. Don’t nag!

   Nagging doesn’t help form those neuron connections. The only path nagging reinforces is the “do what Mom says” path. The trick is to try to get the child to think about the new action (that you want to make a habit) himself. Make his brain trace that path between the neurons.

5. Repetition

   Seek every opportunity to help your child remember on his own to do the new habit. You can say something like, “I promised that I would help you remember something” or “Remember what we prayed about together?” This is where our vigilance and creativity may be stretched, but it is a crucial step. This is the “takes pains” part of the process (as in “the mother who takes pains to endow her children with good habits secures for herself smooth and easy days”). The more times your child thinks of and repeats the action or thought with no relapse, the deeper those rails will be grounded. And don’t forget to thank the Lord for bringing the right thoughts to your child’s mind every time he does remember.

Laying Down the Rails

If you would like more details and practical suggestions for cultivating habits like truthfulness, attentiveness, and obedience, you might enjoy these two resources:

• A series of blog posts on our sister site, Simply Charlotte Mason
• Laying Down the Rails, a 240-page book that is a collection of all the habits Charlotte Mason mentioned along with tips and practical how-to’s

Good habits can be a powerful tool for any intentional parent. Let’s put forth the effort to endow our children with good habits.

I buy three-ring binders in bulk at Sam’s Club. Now, if you’re like me, you grew up with three-ring binders full of hundreds of sheets of notebook paper and several dividers labeled with school subjects like Math, Science, and English. But that’s not what we use these binders for. These binders are for hobby notebooks. These binders are for fun!

When one of my daughters was about eight or ten, she began showing an interest in dogs. She would gravitate toward dog books at the library and check out books about various breeds. If we saw a dog at the park, we would ask her what breed it was, and nine times out of ten she would know. So I encouraged her to start a dog notebook. In it she put magazine pictures of various breeds of dogs, labeled; printed pages from Internet sites about dogs; poems about dogs that she copied in her best handwriting; her own sketches of dogs. Anything that had to do with dogs, she put in a sheet protector (also bought in bulk at Sam’s) and put into her notebook. Soon her dog notebook grew so large that we separated its information into two notebooks: dog breeds and dog training.

Another daughter created a notebook about cats. When her interests changed, she started a new notebook about gardening, flowers, and herbs.

The point is that hobby notebooks are something fun for the children to do in their free time and as their interests dictate. We simply make the notebook materials available and encourage the process.

Benefits of Hobby Notebooks

Just between us parents, hobby notebooks also reinforce these character traits and school skills (but don’t tell the children!):

• Love for Learning

  Learning when you don’t have to is a foreign concept to many children and adults today. So many people have had any love for learning “schooled” out of them. A hobby notebook can cultivate the sense of excitement when you discover something new about your topic, as well as the sense of accomplishment as you see your notebook expand. It can nurture that love for learning that God designed us to have all our lives.

• Personal Initiative

  Hobby notebooks are personal. The notebook’s owner decides what he want it to look like, what goes into it or doesn’t, when he wants to look for more discoveries to add to it. Hobby notebooks can cultivate the skill of self-education. The children (and adults) figure out that they don’t have to wait for or depend on a structured class in order to learn something. They can teach themselves a lot with the proper resources and enough time to soak it in.

• Order

  Notebooks and sheet protectors help the child organize his findings by keeping all that information gathered in one place. If he collects lots of information, he will soon see the benefit of arranging it by subject or forming two notebooks dedicated to related subjects. It can be a great lesson in orderliness.

• Creativity

  Because the notebooks are the children’s own projects, they are allowed complete creative license over those projects. Each child can decorate, embellish, doodle, sketch, paint, cut, shape, and otherwise customize his notebook as he pleases to reflect his own personality.

• Handwriting

  A fun part of notebooking is done by handwriting. Children can copy poems, captions, charts, slogans, or just add personal comments to their pages. And usually, since the notebooks are their personal projects, any information that they write is done in their best handwriting. Great penmanship practice!

• Research Skills

  When a child wants to find more information to add to his notebook, you have a prime opportunity to help him learn research skills: how to use the library, how to use the Internet, how to use a copy machine, how to use a dictionary or encyclopedia (whether in printed form or software). The children will be more eager to learn these skills if they are searching for information on topics that interest them.

• The Topic of the Notebook

  Whether birds, quilts, World War I, or cooking, hobby notebook topics are endless. As your child compiles and creates his own notebook, he will be learning about his topic of choice. Some topics he may only dabble in; others he may latch onto for life. Either way he is experiencing a broad and generous curriculum!

Parental Involvement in Hobby Notebooks

Hobby notebooks should be child initiated! Don’t assign them as a requirement. Once the child has expressed an interest in a hobby, you can casually suggest the idea of creating a notebook, but don’t push.

How much parental involvement you need to give depends on the age of your child. Children who can’t write well will require a lot more help than older children. But your main responsibility is to help and encourage without pushing or having expectations. This is their project, not yours.

From our experience, I’ve been involved in basically three ways. First, I’ve made casual suggestions as appropriate. For example, if I see a little article in a magazine that talks about one of the children’s topics, I’ll mention it to her and say something like, “That might go well in your notebook.” That’s it; end of comment. It’s strictly up to her whether she wants to add the article. Second, if they want to look for information on the Internet, I’ll help and supervise their surfing. Third, I try to keep the binder, sheet protector, and paper supplies well stocked. (Oh, yes, sometimes I’ll buy some stickers that go with the theme of a notebook if I see them on sale or something.)

So I guess we could sum up parental involvement in two words: equip and encourage.

Design-It-Yourself Hobby Notebooks

You can create a fancy notebook that’s more like a scrapbook if you really want to. We started doing hobby notebooks way back before the word “notebook” became a verb. Now there are all kinds of resources available! One of my favorite is Notebooking Pages.

But keep in mind that hobby notebooks don’t have to be expensive or elaborate. A generic white three-ring binder with sheet protectors to hold whatever you want to throw in it works just as well. If you get the kind of binder that has the clear plastic over the cover, the child can create a cover page and slip it into that plastic for a custom hobby notebook. And if your child continues in that same hobby for a long time, he can easily create a new, more sophisticated cover as he grows older.

However you decide to do them, hobby notebooks are not intended to stress out mom or child. They don’t have to be fancy, and they aren’t even mandatory. They’re just a fun idea that has worked well in our family (and has probably been a pretty good deal for Sam’s Club, as well).

Welcome to the new Intentional Parents posts! We have a lot of new readers, and we’re eager to get started with the monthly e-mail and post again.

As many of you know, we took a break for a few months to work on our sister site, Simply Charlotte Mason, and to give Intentional Parents an overhaul. With that upgrade, we have been able to add more content and some new features for all of you.

Next month we’ll be back on our regular schedule of monthly topics for our posts:

• Intentional Parents
• The Bible
• Enjoyable Pastimes
• Academics
• Character
• Home Skills

Our format will be a little different, but the emphasis will be the same. In February we’ll start where we left off: ideas and suggestions for teaching Academics.

This month I wanted to mention an article called Lessons from the Valley. It was just published in Homeschooling Today magazine and is posted on our site. It talks about the “giants” that we all face when we find ourselves in a valley in life. Your valley may have a different name than mine, but the giants are eerily similar.

“We always knew that Hannah was a little different from her older sisters, but we are firm believers in letting each child develop at her own pace. It wasn’t until Hannah started to lose her ability to talk that we became concerned. That was the beginning of my valley. . . .” (Continue reading Lessons from the Valley.)

I’d love to hear about your valley and how the Lord is walking through it with you. One great new feature on our upgraded Intentional Parents site is the ability for you to add your own comments to these e-mails. We invite you to share Scripture, encouragement, and your own life experiences so we can all learn from each other. You can post your comments below.

Anyone who has watched “The Sound of Music” might feel a bit intimidated when we start talking about families and music. The topic can conjure up scenes of lining up to sing before a group of dinner guests or performing beautiful multi-part harmony in a singing contest. Relax. Our children can’t sing in three- and four-part harmony yet either. However, we have enjoyed both making and listening to music over the years. Here’s how.

Making Music

1. Teach what you know.

   If you know how to play an instrument, show your children how to play it as well. Start slowly and keep things relaxed. We’re not advocating forcing a child to practice long hours on your favorite instrument! Simply give the child a taste of how the instrument works, and let him try it a few times. If he continues to show interest, provide more opportunities.

   The same principle applies for singing. If you enjoy singing, sing! And invite your children to sing along. Don’t underestimate the power of your attitude toward singing or playing. If you enjoy singing or playing an instrument, your child will soak up that atmosphere. A positive attitude goes a long way toward enjoying music.

2. Learn what you want to know.

   Is there an instrument you would like to learn to play? That desire can provide a great opportunity! Years ago my husband wanted to learn to play a bass. So he did research on the Internet and at local guitar shops, bought a used bass and a how-to video, and started in. Our children learned a lot by watching him gather the resources in order to teach himself a skill. They saw him (heard him, really) sit down with that bass every night after work to practice and play and try new things. It wasn’t a chore or something he had to do; it was simply something he really wanted to learn.

   Over the years, they saw that same routine repeated with a drum set, a guitar, a stand-up bass, a banjo, a mandolin, and djembe drums. As the children grew older, he started inviting them to play also; he would show them what he was trying to learn and let them try it too. After they reached a certain point of skill on one of the instruments, he would bring out one of the other instruments and they would play duets.

   Our children are getting wonderful exposure to many different instruments. But they’re also learning a valuable lesson in education: you can teach yourself just about anything you want to learn with the right resources and some diligence.

3. Listen to good examples.

   It’s hard to learn how to sing in harmony if you never hear people singing in harmony. Watch for opportunities to hear live harmony singing — the more informal, the better to begin with. A capella recordings can also be a good resource.

   Don’t overlook people as some of those good “resources.” Form relationships with people in your extended family, church, or neighborhood who are skilled at playing a musical instrument. Invite them to play with you. Let your children watch or participate as they want to. We love getting together with others from our church family and having a “jam session.” Sometimes our children watch from the doorway; sometimes one child joins in playing on an instrument for a song or two. Sometimes our friends’ children join in.

4. Use what you have.

   Once your musical ability has reached an acceptable level, you might want to watch for opportunities to use it outside your home. Maybe you and your children can participate in music ministry at your church’s gatherings. If you feel a bit nervous about displaying your musical abilities outside your home, work up to it gradually. First, sing or play in front of your family members at home; then invite some extended family members or close friends to come listen to a small recital.

   But keep in mind that the location or the size of the audience doesn’t matter. Using your musical ability to encourage other people and bring glory to God is the key.

Listening to Music

We talked in a previous post about listening to and appreciating good music. Here’s a quick review. The easiest way to introduce the great composers to your children is to listen to their works, focusing on one composer at a time. You can find CDs that feature the music of one composer at a reasonable price. Then just choose one composer and play that person’s CD occasionally for about six weeks as background music during a meal or while running errands. By the end of the six weeks, your children (and you) will have a pretty good “feel” for that composer’s style and several of his works. (Oh, and here’s a tip: Start playing the CD at various tracks during those six weeks, otherwise you’ll know the first song on the CD very well but not the last one.)

If you’d like to add some fun activities to those listening times, you could choose one song to play and invite your children to draw what that song makes them think of or to move in a way that the song makes them want to move. (Another tip: If you are familiar with the songs on the CD, you can use this movement activity in your favor. For example, play a rousing piece if you want the children to use up some energy, or play a quiet piece if you want them to calm down. Don’t ask how I learned this tip. Suffice it to say that Rossini’s “William Tell Overture” is not a good bedtime piece.)

Now, not every family will consider music to be a “natural” part of their lives. That’s okay. A wise woman once told me, “Teach who you are.” But if you have a desire to grow in your musical abilities and experiences, don’t be afraid to take your children along with you. Charlotte Mason once reflected, “It would be hard to say how much that passes for inherited musical taste and ability is the result of the constant hearing and producing of musical sounds, the habit of music, that the child of musical people grows up with.”

It’s never too late to become a musical person or a musical family.

Q & A

Q: At what age should my child start music lessons?

A: That answer depends on the child and the instrument. Normally, I recommend that a child start formal music lessons at about eight years old. Especially with piano, a small child’s fingers may not be strong enough or his hand large enough to play correctly, and he may learn bad habits of form.

Be careful about hurrying a child into formal lessons; childhood should contain lots of free time and fun exploration. Informal lessons are great for this age group. Remember that a commitment to formal music lessons should teach the child about faithfulness, diligence, perseverance, and stewardship. Such a commitment is a huge responsibility for a small child to bear without growing weary.

However, some children are ready to start lessons earlier than age eight. May I make one suggestion? If your young child is taking formal music lessons, see if you can arrange for two shorter (fifteen minutes) lesson times per week instead of the traditional one half-hour lesson per week. Two shorter lesson times accomplish a couple of good things: (1) Shorter lessons encourage the habit of paying full attention; the longer a lesson goes, the more opportunity for the child to develop a bad habit of dawdling or daydreaming; (2) Usually the first songs a child learns in formal lessons are quite short and simple. Practicing those same songs for a whole week can easily lead to boredom and, again, a habit of dawdling. Whereas, preparing that song for a lesson in just two or three days can cultivate the habit of full attention to the task at hand; plus, the child will progress more quickly through the book and keep encouraged at that progress.