Intentional Parents

Those of you who have met me might be surprised when I tell you that I played basketball in high school. I’m 5’4″ in thick-soled sneakers. I also played volleyball in college. (Can you tell I went to small schools?)

There’s a lot to be said for team sports, and I learned a lot playing those sports. But the one lesson that stands out to me today, thirty years later, is that most team sports don’t carry over into adult life. It becomes very difficult to balance the time commitment and connection with other players while maintaining the responsibilities of a job and home life.

That’s one reason I like to emphasize recreational activities that will carry over into adulthood. The activities listed below are great ways to get exercise regardless of your age, size, or ability. And you can participate in these activities alone or with the whole family.

Family-Friendly Activities

1. Bicycling — Bicycling is a wonderful exercise for the entire family, but it can present challenges when the children are just learning how to ride. When my husband worked at a bicycle shop, we discovered the joy of riding tandem bicycles (bicycles built for two). We could get so much more exercise, and not have to worry about little ones falling behind, if we put a child on the back seat of the tandem. If you don’t have a tandem, a trail-a-bike can turn your regular bicycle into a child-friendly bicycle for two during family outings.
2. Swimming — Even the little ones can wear life vests and water wings and splash to their hearts’ content. Exercise in the water can vary from swimming to diving for dropped objects to learning how to float to kick-paddling an inflatable raft. It’s a fantastic way to use lots of muscles and have fun doing it!
3. Horseback riding — I realize that not everyone has easy access to this activity. We’ve been blessed by some friends with horses, tack, and generous hearts. Horseback riding provides strength-training for our autistic daughter, and the rest of us get our exercise leading her around the corral.
4. Gardening — Gardening may not look like exercise at first, but think of all the stretching it involves. When you combine that stretching with carrying, digging, raking, and hoeing, you understand why it’s easy to work up a sweat in your garden.
5. Walking the dog — Yes, you can walk without a dog, but a dog is great motivation to get up in the mornings and get outside for a walk. Walking is excellent exercise coupled with the added benefit of getting outdoors for a while.

What other family-friendly recreational activities do you like to do? Leave a comment and share your ideas.

I’m sure my hair stylist wondered what was going on when, seventeen years ago, I hauled a high chair into the salon and set it up beside her styling chair. Her eyebrows probably rose when I grabbed a roll of masking tape out of my purse, taped the corners of a sheet of paper to the tray of the high chair, and completed the scene with three crayons of various colors.

That done, I deposited my toddler into the high chair, fastened the safety strap, and told her to have fun drawing. Then I hopped into the stylist’s chair and settled back for a haircut.

Drawing is a wonderful pastime for all ages. You don’t have to be the next Beatrix Potter to enjoy drawing. Give your children (and yourself) the gift of encouragement and plenty of time to draw — both from their own imaginations and duplicating what they see.

Drawing from Your Own Imagination

Even toddlers can draw from their imaginations. Mine quickly learned that throwing a crayon off the high chair tray meant that they wouldn’t get the crayon back. End of discussion. Natural consequence. That’s just the way it was. After that little matter was established, they could entertain themselves quite nicely while I made supper.

One of the secrets to cultivating an imagination in drawing is to give your child more blank sheets of paper than coloring books. Coloring books have their place, but plain paper has much more “scope for the imagination.”

As your children grow, try to provide plenty of paper (It doesn’t have to be new; give them the backs of printed sheets.), pencils, crayons, markers, and colored pencils. Above all, give them large chunks of time to get acquainted with their imaginations and to dabble in different drawing techniques on their own.

Along those lines, here are three random tips for managing children’s art.

1. When your child shows you his drawing, try not to ask, “What is it, honey?” Such words can squelch some children’s enthusiasm (since you obviously couldn’t tell what it was in the first place). Instead, say something like, “I like your drawing. Tell me about it.”
2. Trying to save all the drawings that Junior and Judy create will require a mini-storage unit at some point. Rather than trying to save all their creations, take photos of their drawings and projects. Photos, especially digital ones, take up much less room and can be enjoyed over and over.
3. When it comes time to dispose of a drawing, be cautious of just throwing it in the trash can. An unsuspecting young child may see it there. Try folding the paper with the drawing on the inside, then twisting the paper like a dishrag and placing it in the bottom of the trash. You’re not trying to be sneaky. The child needs to know that you can’t save all his drawings (though you will save a photo of each), but he doesn’t need to witness what happens to his creation after he’s gone to bed.

Drawing What You See

This option seems to be the most intimidating, especially for older children and adults. We can all get frustrated when our drawings don’t look exactly like the model we’re trying to duplicate.

Well, the best way to improve is to keep trying. I don’t think the people who lived in Beatrix Potter’s day had more artistic genes, I think they just took more time to draw. Yes, some of them were naturally gifted, but time and practice can work wonders.

And there is something both peaceful and invigorating about looking closely at a piece of God’s creation and carefully trying to reproduce it on paper.

So when it comes to drawing what you see, embrace the process and just do it! Try to look carefully at the object or scene. Force yourself to slow down and draw only what you see, not what you think it should look like. You may surprise yourself.

Here are a couple of random tips for this kind of drawing too.

1. Sometimes it helps to turn the model object upside down (as long as it’s not a person!) and draw it that way. The unexpected perspective will force you to look more carefully and your mind won’t be able to make as many assumptions as it normally does.
2. Want some encouraging, informal, yet effective lessons? Get Mona Brookes’ book, Drawing with Children: A Creative Method for Adult Beginners, Too. This latest edition contains some extra chapters that aren’t in my older copy, but the core lessons remain. You’ll find step-by-step instructions written in a conversational style with lots of before and after samples by people of various ages.

Try to set aside some time to draw each week — whether out in nature or around the house. Encourage your children’s creative attempts, and give your own drawings grace, as well. From high chairs to sketchbooks, drawing can be an enjoyable pastime for all ages.

Anyone who has watched “The Sound of Music” might feel a bit intimidated when we start talking about families and music. The topic can conjure up scenes of lining up to sing before a group of dinner guests or performing beautiful multi-part harmony in a singing contest. Relax. Our children can’t sing in three- and four-part harmony yet either. However, we have enjoyed both making and listening to music over the years. Here’s how.

Making Music

1. Teach what you know.

   If you know how to play an instrument, show your children how to play it as well. Start slowly and keep things relaxed. We’re not advocating forcing a child to practice long hours on your favorite instrument! Simply give the child a taste of how the instrument works, and let him try it a few times. If he continues to show interest, provide more opportunities.

   The same principle applies for singing. If you enjoy singing, sing! And invite your children to sing along. Don’t underestimate the power of your attitude toward singing or playing. If you enjoy singing or playing an instrument, your child will soak up that atmosphere. A positive attitude goes a long way toward enjoying music.

2. Learn what you want to know.

   Is there an instrument you would like to learn to play? That desire can provide a great opportunity! Years ago my husband wanted to learn to play a bass. So he did research on the Internet and at local guitar shops, bought a used bass and a how-to video, and started in. Our children learned a lot by watching him gather the resources in order to teach himself a skill. They saw him (heard him, really) sit down with that bass every night after work to practice and play and try new things. It wasn’t a chore or something he had to do; it was simply something he really wanted to learn.

   Over the years, they saw that same routine repeated with a drum set, a guitar, a stand-up bass, a banjo, a mandolin, and djembe drums. As the children grew older, he started inviting them to play also; he would show them what he was trying to learn and let them try it too. After they reached a certain point of skill on one of the instruments, he would bring out one of the other instruments and they would play duets.

   Our children are getting wonderful exposure to many different instruments. But they’re also learning a valuable lesson in education: you can teach yourself just about anything you want to learn with the right resources and some diligence.

3. Listen to good examples.

   It’s hard to learn how to sing in harmony if you never hear people singing in harmony. Watch for opportunities to hear live harmony singing — the more informal, the better to begin with. A capella recordings can also be a good resource.

   Don’t overlook people as some of those good “resources.” Form relationships with people in your extended family, church, or neighborhood who are skilled at playing a musical instrument. Invite them to play with you. Let your children watch or participate as they want to. We love getting together with others from our church family and having a “jam session.” Sometimes our children watch from the doorway; sometimes one child joins in playing on an instrument for a song or two. Sometimes our friends’ children join in.

4. Use what you have.

   Once your musical ability has reached an acceptable level, you might want to watch for opportunities to use it outside your home. Maybe you and your children can participate in music ministry at your church’s gatherings. If you feel a bit nervous about displaying your musical abilities outside your home, work up to it gradually. First, sing or play in front of your family members at home; then invite some extended family members or close friends to come listen to a small recital.

   But keep in mind that the location or the size of the audience doesn’t matter. Using your musical ability to encourage other people and bring glory to God is the key.

Listening to Music

We talked in a previous post about listening to and appreciating good music. Here’s a quick review. The easiest way to introduce the great composers to your children is to listen to their works, focusing on one composer at a time. You can find CDs that feature the music of one composer at a reasonable price. Then just choose one composer and play that person’s CD occasionally for about six weeks as background music during a meal or while running errands. By the end of the six weeks, your children (and you) will have a pretty good “feel” for that composer’s style and several of his works. (Oh, and here’s a tip: Start playing the CD at various tracks during those six weeks, otherwise you’ll know the first song on the CD very well but not the last one.)

If you’d like to add some fun activities to those listening times, you could choose one song to play and invite your children to draw what that song makes them think of or to move in a way that the song makes them want to move. (Another tip: If you are familiar with the songs on the CD, you can use this movement activity in your favor. For example, play a rousing piece if you want the children to use up some energy, or play a quiet piece if you want them to calm down. Don’t ask how I learned this tip. Suffice it to say that Rossini’s “William Tell Overture” is not a good bedtime piece.)

Now, not every family will consider music to be a “natural” part of their lives. That’s okay. A wise woman once told me, “Teach who you are.” But if you have a desire to grow in your musical abilities and experiences, don’t be afraid to take your children along with you. Charlotte Mason once reflected, “It would be hard to say how much that passes for inherited musical taste and ability is the result of the constant hearing and producing of musical sounds, the habit of music, that the child of musical people grows up with.”

It’s never too late to become a musical person or a musical family.

Q & A

Q: At what age should my child start music lessons?

A: That answer depends on the child and the instrument. Normally, I recommend that a child start formal music lessons at about eight years old. Especially with piano, a small child’s fingers may not be strong enough or his hand large enough to play correctly, and he may learn bad habits of form.

Be careful about hurrying a child into formal lessons; childhood should contain lots of free time and fun exploration. Informal lessons are great for this age group. Remember that a commitment to formal music lessons should teach the child about faithfulness, diligence, perseverance, and stewardship. Such a commitment is a huge responsibility for a small child to bear without growing weary.

However, some children are ready to start lessons earlier than age eight. May I make one suggestion? If your young child is taking formal music lessons, see if you can arrange for two shorter (fifteen minutes) lesson times per week instead of the traditional one half-hour lesson per week. Two shorter lesson times accomplish a couple of good things: (1) Shorter lessons encourage the habit of paying full attention; the longer a lesson goes, the more opportunity for the child to develop a bad habit of dawdling or daydreaming; (2) Usually the first songs a child learns in formal lessons are quite short and simple. Practicing those same songs for a whole week can easily lead to boredom and, again, a habit of dawdling. Whereas, preparing that song for a lesson in just two or three days can cultivate the habit of full attention to the task at hand; plus, the child will progress more quickly through the book and keep encouraged at that progress.

Our children enjoy making movies. They spend hours writing scripts, making costumes and props, filming, and editing. But the movie isn’t finished until they find just the right music to add to the various scenes. It’s so much fun to listen to them excitedly describe how a particular piece by Wagner fits so perfectly with a scene’s action!

“How do they know about Wagner?” you ask. (And how do they know that his name is pronounced VAHG-NER instead of WAYG-NER?) Through a simple habit we’ve established in our house. Here’s how it works:

Choose one composer and listen to his music for six weeks. Play it in the background when you’re eating a meal. Listen to it in the car while you’re running errands. Let the children listen to it at bedtime as they fall asleep, if they want to. When you play the music during those six weeks, casually mention the composer’s name: “Let’s listen to some Bach.”

That’s it. That’s the profoundly difficult habit we’ve established to teach our children about music composers.

“It can’t be that easy,” you say.

I’m sorry. It is. But since you might want a longer post than that this month, here are a few tips and optional activities to consider.

• To get started, collect recordings that feature the work of one composer. Get a CD that has music by only Bach, for instance. Or find a tape of only Beethoven. Check your local library, bookstore bargain sections, dollar stores, discount stores, and online bookstores.
• One thing we finally figured out was to start the tape or CD in various places throughout those six weeks. If you always start at the first song, you’ll know that song quite well but none of the others!
• If you want to, sometime during those six weeks read a brief and interesting biography about the composer. Notice those two key words: “brief” and “interesting.” See the Resources section below for some specific recommendations.
• Be on the lookout for local concerts that present your featured (or a previously studied) composer’s works.
• Some families like to create a music notebook. They include a page or two about each composer with which they have become familiar, including a picture, a list of songs, ticket stubs for concerts they’ve attended that featured his music, and whatever else they want to put into it.
• Sometimes let the children draw what they think the music is picturing or move like the music makes them want to move. (My teenagers still have one particular Strauss polka that gets them up and running around the kitchen!)
• Keep the tapes and CDs available. Once you finish the six weeks of listening to a single composer, add that CD to your family collection and allow the children to listen to it whenever they want to. Soon that composer will become an “old friend” to them.
• By all means, make this habit casual and a natural part of your family life. The goal is not to analyze each composer and his works; the goal is to enjoy and appreciate good music together. Becoming familiar with a composer’s style and works is a natural benefit of spending six weeks with him. Don’t force it.

Q & A

Q: Which composer should I start with?

A: There’s really no right or wrong answer to that question. Simply choose a composer and dive in, following the simple method outlined above. To help you get started, here is a list of some of our favorites. The list is in alphabetical order, not necessarily the order in which we think you should study these composers. Start with any one of them — and enjoy.

• Johann Sebastian Bach
• Ludwig von Beethoven
• Johannes Brahms
• Frederic Chopin
• Claude Debussy
• Antonin Dvorak
• Edvard Grieg
• George Frideric Handel
• Joseph Haydn
• Franz Liszt
• Felix Mendelssohn
• Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
• Franz Schubert
• Robert Schumann
• John Phillips Sousa
• Johann Strauss II
• Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky
• Giuseppe Verdi
• Antonio Vivaldi
• Richard Wagner

Q: Should I focus on only classical composers?

A: You don’t have to. Classical music is a great place to start, but it’s not the ultimate standard. While many classical works are wonderful, I cannot give a blanket recommendation for all of classical music. The Bible must be our standard. When choosing music to listen to, consider these Biblical principles:

• God is not the author of confusion. Music that is constantly chaotic, dissonant, and confusing does not help us glorify God.
• Be aware of how the music makes you feel. Some pieces inspire our hearts to greatness and noble thoughts, while others stir up rebellious and selfish emotions.
• Avoid music that urges you to move in an immodest manner.
• Listen critically to lyrics. Make sure they don’t contradict Scripture and promote ungodly living.

Anyone entering our house usually notices the beautiful tabletop easel on the antique dresser in the entryway. This easel, which my father handcrafted for us, holds an oversized art book open to a beautiful art print. The picture is changed every week or so, and we all enjoy looking at it whenever we pass the easel. We usually display the pictures of one artist for several weeks, then switch to another artist after we get a feel for the first one’s style.

In this simple way our family has been introduced to several masters of art over the years. We’ve built up a collection of various art books, each featuring the work of just one artist. We often cycle through those twenty or so artists, then return to our favorites; it’s like revisiting old friends. But we always keep an eye open for new friends too. For example, some modern photographers can produce real art with their cameras.

This easy practice can be used with children (and adults) of any age. And as the children get older, you can take five or ten minutes a week to encourage closer looking. Just follow the simple steps below.

Step One: Open the book to a picture, show it to the children, and tell them who the artist is.

Step Two: Instruct the children to look silently at the picture until they can close their eyes and see it distinctly in their minds.

Step Three: Close the book and ask the children to describe the picture to you.

Step Four: Open the book and look again at the picture. Look for aspects that someone might have mentioned; confirm their descriptions.

Step Five: Put the picture on display in a prominent location of your house for the next week or so. Be sure it is at eye level for the children. After that week, look together at another picture by the same artist, following the same steps above. Continue with the same artist for at least six weeks, then move to another one.

During one of those weeks, you might also give a brief introduction to the artist’s life. You could even read aloud an interesting, living-book biography about the artist. If the biography is long, read it in sections over several days or weeks.

As you can see, enjoying the masters of art is quite different from critiquing and analyzing their techniques. With this simple, enjoyable method of art appreciation, advocated by Charlotte Mason, you are free to form your own relationships with the various artists and their works. You are not told what to think about certain artists or their works; you form your own opinions.

Enjoying beautiful and creative works can inspire within your children beautiful thoughts and creative aspirations. Think how wonderful it would be to go through life with a picture gallery in your mind, containing all your favorite masterpieces to enjoy any time you please! Enjoying the masters — another gift you can give your children.

Q & A

Q: What about “masterpieces” that feature nudity?

A: I’ve encountered basically two fields of thought in regard to nudity in art: either ignore it and treat it like any other body part, or avoid it whenever possible. I must admit that I started out in the first category, but over the years I’ve moved much closer to the second. Now I would recommend that you avoid works of art that show nudity. There are plenty of other great artists and works that don’t contain nudity; study those and protect your children’s hearts, especially your boys’.

If you own an art book that contains some works with nudity, staple the offending pages shut so you can continue to use the rest of the book without worrying about any accidental viewings or temptations. (By the way, this “staple it shut” technique also works well for stories or poems in books with collections of children’s literature. We often staple shut the pages of Halloween poems or ghost stories in such collections.)

Q: Large art books are expensive; where can I find less-expensive pictures that are still large enough for all of us to see the details?

A: While the large art books usually contain the best reproductions, you’re right, they can be expensive to collect. We’ve gathered our collection over the years by watching bargain tables at local bookstores and by putting specific books on our wish lists for gift ideas.

We also have a few large calendars in our collection. Calendar prints aren’t always the best quality, but they can be a great inexpensive source for trying new artists. We try to look through the calendars at local bookstores after the beginning of the year when they go on sale.

You can also check your local library for large art books. It’s nice to be able to keep the books on your shelf and look through them whenever the children want to, but borrowing the books from the library is another great option. And don’t overlook library sales. They just might sell you your favorite artist book one day!

Snapshot One: Rebekah sitting in a highchair with crayons in fist and a piece of paper taped to the tray.

Snapshot Two: Rebekah holding up the Mariner’s Compass quilt block she just figured out how to piece together, on the table in front of her are the other blocks in the quilt she’s designed and sewn.

Now between those two snapshots insert a time lapse of about fourteen years, a truckload of raw materials, and hundreds of hours of free time.

Children have an innate sense of creativity. Unfortunately, that creativity is often squeezed out of them as they grow. Their time often becomes increasingly structured into a tight schedule, and their thought processes become conformed and dependent on direction because of participating in so many organized classes and scheduled events. We need to give our children large quantities of unhurried time and lots of raw materials to feed their creativity.

Real creating is hard work. It includes observation skills, designing, problem solving, science, mathematics, trial and error, perseverance, cooperation, and more. If you want to nurture that creativity, provide an assortment of materials and get out of the way. Let the child experiment and create. Don’t buy those expensive activity kits that tell the child what to do. Give her scraps and extras and let her design how to use them. Yes, you will find paper and cardboard scraps on the floor and little pieces of tape stuck to the bottom of your shoe. Yes, chances are your desk will be covered with all kinds of doodads, lovingly made and given with an explanation of how they work. But what an easy way to nurture creativity and resourcefulness!

Here are a couple of tips for fostering in your family the enjoyable pastime of handcrafts.

1. Encourage meaningful and useful projects that can be done safely according to the child’s skill level. Children of all ages can gain satisfaction and enjoyment from learning to build and create useful items from fabric, yarn, wood, or brick. As they get older they can expand to using metal, stone, glass, or wire. Of course, not every project will be serviceable right from the start. Play-Doh isn’t exactly an heirloom. When children are young, simply encourage them to work with their hands and celebrate their accomplishments. You will be setting the tone for how they view their future ideas and creations. Be gracious! Then as they grow, begin to nudge them toward useful projects. But don’t underestimate what young children can do.
2. Don’t limit handcrafts based on the gender of your child. Boys can learn to sew or knit; girls can learn carpentry or welding.
3. Help your children discover the great ministry potential that handcrafts can bring. Involve your children in serving others through the work of their hands. Make an afghan or wall hanging for an elderly person; knit or sew your next baby shower gift; learn woodworking skills in order to offer repair help to those who need it in your neighborhood and church. Children know when their contribution is substantial and useable. Help them develop a servant’s heart and skilled hands.
4. Value the impact handcraft skills can make at home. Imagine being able to look through the house as a teenager and to identify several items that your family members use daily that you made with your own hands. Talk about a sense of belonging!

Teach this enjoyable pastime by encouraging a wide array of handcraft skills and providing the materials, resources, and lots of free time in order to learn and enjoy them.

Q & A

Q: What if I don’t know how to sew, build, (fill in the blank)?

A: My children do a lot of handcrafts that I don’t know how to do; for example, cake decorating, oil painting, knitting, and using a scroll saw. They have learned these skills in several ways. Sometimes the Lord brings people into our lives who have the desired skill and can teach the children one-on-one; these people might be grandparents, neighbors, or friends from church. The learning process gives a great opportunity to develop a relationship with an older person. I can even learn the skill along with them if I want to. Other times the children borrow books from the library that explain how to begin or to improve certain skills. Once in a while they see a handcraft presented at a workshop or conference exhibit and learn it that way.

See, if they’re used to experimenting with raw materials and their imaginations, they tend to pick up an idea and run with it. They don’t wait for someone to tell them what they should learn next; they’re walking down the path of being self-educated. So don’t worry if you don’t know how to do a handcraft that your child is interested in. Look around for resources, provide the materials, and encourage him or her to give it a try.

Q: How can I contain the mess that comes with handcrafts?

A: Ah, those little scraps of paper that get spread all over the house. Those half-finished paintings that cover the dining room table when supper is ready. Yes, giving your children raw materials and lots of time in which to use them can be messy. The ideal, of course, is to have a craft room or workshop that is set aside to hold all the raw materials and projects in progress. But not every house or family can accommodate the ideal. Perhaps a small area can be dedicated to handcrafts, like a card table set up in a corner or placed in front of a spare closet that can also serve for storage. If you can’t find even that much room in your house, you might consider keeping all your raw materials in a box or crate and giving each child a box or crate in which to store his or her projects. The child can use the kitchen table between meals, then you can put the crafts and supplies into the boxes and whisk away the mess.

Bottom line: craft supplies and children can be a messy combination, but I want to remind you of two things. One, teach the children from a young age to clean up their messes. And, two, the mess is worth the creativity, learning, and progress you’ll see in your children. Remember, many of their projects can be used for ministry as they are given with little notes to encourage people.

“My child has an incredible attention span. He can sit through a half-hour television program without moving a muscle,” Cathy assured Gail with a smile.

“I’m afraid most television programs actually shorten a child’s attention span,” Gail responded gently. “Have you ever noticed how often the camera angle changes during a typical show?”

Cathy’s smile faded. “I never thought about that. What does camera angle have to do with attention spans?” she asked thoughtfully.

Gail revealed her findings. “Once I tried to count the seconds during one of the children’s programs. While the camera was showing one scene I started counting ‘one-thousand one, one-thousand two, one-thousand three, . . .’ until the scene switched. Rarely did I get to three seconds before they were showing a different scene or at least switching to a different camera angle. I realized that the show was actually training my child to desire a new object of attention — a change — every three seconds. It wasn’t lengthening his attention span; it was shortening it!”

And attention-span training is only one of the issues connected with watching television. As parents, we must also be concerned about what beliefs and values are being taught by the words, actions, and character traits depicted in the programs and the commercials.

Intentional parents must constantly be vigilant regarding what messages they allow to influence their children. Be courageous enough to evaluate the popular shows and movies by Biblical standards. Do the shows you and your children watch encourage rivalry between siblings? Do they foster an age-segregated disdain for the younger and contempt for the elder attitude? Do they blatantly break God’s commandments and show no consequences? Do they teach disrespect and disobedience toward parents? Do they present deceptive words and ways as entertaining? Do they encourage immodesty in action and dress? Do they exalt an attitude of revenge? Even (or should I say, especially) children’s shows can teach the opposite of what you are seeking to instill in your little ones. Be on the alert!

You may say, “That’s not a problem. The shows that I allow my children to watch measure up to my (and God’s) high standards.” Great! May I also encourage you to be careful of how much time your family members spend watching the television? Even good shows can stifle better activities.

The TV can be one of the greatest obstacles to cultivating authentic enjoyable pastimes in your family. Let’s face it, it’s easier to sit, stare, and be entertained than to consider, contemplate, and create. And our flesh will be drawn toward what is easy when given the choice. The key is to take away the choice. Make television the exception, not the rule.

Turn off the TV and provide lots of raw materials for your family members to work with. Once it has become a habit in your home to work with your hands and minds instead of sitting in front of the TV, the enjoyable pastimes and creativity will flourish. Relationship-building conversations will become everyday occurrences. God-given talents and interests will be developed. Minds will be sharpened; memories will be forged. Ministry opportunities will be widened.

Don’t let the television undermine your goal for your children. Work hard to establish intentional habits that will help you pursue the goal.

Q & A

Q: How much TV do your children watch?

A: The rule of thumb at our house is that our girls are allowed to watch one pre-approved video per week on Saturdays after they finish their extra weekly chores. The youngest may watch one Mister Rogers program each weekday, and the other three may watch a home improvement show with us one night a week. That schedule still leaves them plenty of time to bake, sew, paint, bead, cultivate flowers, feed birds, catch lizards, create costumes, write and produce home movies, watch squirrels, play games, and read lots of books.

Q: We turned off the television and now our children wander around saying that they’re bored. How should we handle that?

A: As you’re finding out, it’s much easier to limit or eliminate television watching right from the start. However, it’s never too late to make a change for the better. Just be prepared to stand firm during the transition time. I’d recommend three suggestions to help you handle this stage.

1. Help them form a new habit. Provide art supplies or other raw materials and maybe an appropriate how-to book to help them get started creating on their own. Or establish a read-aloud time when the whole family can enjoy a classic book one chapter at a time.
2. Try not to get caught in the trap of doing their thinking for them. Make one or two suggestions of what they might do, but encourage them to come up with something themselves. You might need to say something like, “I’m busy doing (such and such); now you think of something to do.”
3. If a slightly firmer approach is needed, keep a list of chores handy. When the children come to you with “nothing to do,” assign them a task. They’ll soon learn to occupy themselves with the wholesome options you’ve made available for enjoyable pastimes.

Meet the Cox Family —

Jan and Jerry quickly compare calendars as Jerry grabs a breakfast bar and heads for the door.

“OK, I can pick up Trent from school and drop him off at play practice before I take Tina to softball. But you’ll have to pick him up on your way home, because I have a meeting with Tina’s piano teacher about the open house,” says Jan.

“What time is his play practice done?” Jerry asks.

“Should be over by 5:30,” replies Jan as Trent walks into the kitchen.

“Mom, tonight’s the pizza party,” he reminds her.

Jan sighs. “So when will that be done?” she inquires.

Trent shrugs his shoulders.

“How about if I come straight home and Trent can call when he’s ready for us to come get him?” offers Jerry.

“I’ll do my best to get here by 6:45. If I’m not here by then, we’ll just meet you at the church. OK?”

“That should work. Trent, you’ve got my cell phone number, right?” confirms Jerry. “I’ve got to get going or I’ll be late for work. Have a good day, everybody!”

Meet the O’Brien Family —

With school work behind them, Mary and Jack settle down to a snack of freshly-baked cookies.

“What do you have planned for this afternoon?” asks Mom, pulling out a chair to join them.

“I’m going to work on the fort,” Jack replies immediately. “Tom and I finished the fire pit yesterday, so today we’re going to start work on the roof.”

“That’s great! Be sure to have Dad check out the pit before you build a fire in it,” Mom reminds him. “What about you, Mary? Did you want to start painting that chair for your desk?”

“I thought I might work a little more on that afghan I’m crocheting first,” says Mary. “I’d like to get it finished in time for grandma’s birthday.”

“OK. Could you both give me some help in the garden after supper, when it’s cooler outside?” Mom inquires. “Quite a few tomatoes are ready to be picked and the beans need weeding.”

—————–

The Cox Family hits close to home for many of us. Does the O’Brien Family sound like a dream? It doesn’t have to be a dream. That simpler life is a gift we can give our children. All it takes is an intentional decision to put family time first and limit individual “outside” activities that rob family time. Create some leisure time in your schedule by saying no. Replace those segregated, structured activities with enjoyable pastimes that teach creativity and productivity.

Children (and adults) need to be given a wide exposure to all that is wholesome and interesting in life. They need time and resources to nurture the whole person inside them. As parents, we must be careful not to narrow their focus to only physical competition or academic comparison. God has created mankind with a much larger capacity than that.

God made mankind to be able to think great thoughts, to communicate those thoughts in writing and art, to create millions of different musical compositions, to invent helpful tools, and to beautify our surroundings. If we’re not careful, we will miss those enjoyable pastimes as we hurriedly settle for whatever is fast, trendy, and convenient.

In the months ahead we will look at several enjoyable pastimes that intentional parents should give their children. We’ll discuss

• Handcrafts: including woodworking, knitting, crocheting, stamping, leather tooling, and more;
• Art: drawing, painting, sculpting, building, and more;
• Art appreciation: an easy and effective way to introduce great artists to your child;
• Music appreciation: an equally easy and effective way to introduce great composers and favorite musicians to your child;
• Music: fun ways to make and enjoy music together as a family;
• Recreation: physical activities that bring the family together and that your child can carry over into adulthood.

These kinds of enjoyable pastimes will encourage your children’s creativity, feed their souls, protect their innocence, stretch their imaginations, exercise their minds, and challenge them to aspire to great things. These pastimes will give them a great foundation and many tools to take with them into adulthood. These enjoyable pastimes are the second gift of intentional parents.

Q & A

Q: I’m not the artsy-craftsy type. Are you saying I have to teach my children to knit?

A: I’m not the artsy-craftsy type either. No, I’m not saying you have to teach your children to knit. Each family has a unique personality based on the interests and abilities of the parents and children. Don’t try to be something you’re not. Teach who you are.

Two of my children have learned how to knit and crochet. I don’t know how to do either, but the Lord knew that my girls would enjoy those pastimes and He sent people into our lives who could teach them. My job is not to take a crash course in every enjoyable pastime I can think of, but to supply my children with the resources — raw materials and people or other instructions — and give them plenty of time, space, and encouragement to experience and learn.

That being said, please don’t limit yourself. If you want your children to love learning and to be equipped to continue learning all their lives, you need to model that desire yourself. Don’t be afraid to try new things that you might enjoy. In fact, learn along with your child whenever possible. Those shared experiences will create great memories and a strong bond between you.

Q: How can I teach my children to share?

A: First, let me say that each child should be able to have some toys that are special and don’t have to be shared. Give him a special place to store his special things (a dresser drawer, for example) away from smaller siblings’ hands.

For toys that are in general use, teach young children to share by taking turns. Use a timer to regulate each child’s turn(s). The general guideline is one minute for each year of the youngest child’s age. (If you had a 2-year-old and 4-year-old, set the timer for two minutes each turn.) Explain to David that when the timer beeps it will be Sarah’s turn to play with the toy. If David has trouble waiting, redirect his attention for that short time or do whatever you can to help him wait with a good attitude. If, however, the impatience turns into fussing, explain that David can’t have the toy until he gets control of himself. Even if the timer goes off, the toy does not change hands until David stops fussing. And speaking of changing hands, help both children hand the toy gently to each other; no throwing or dropping it on the floor and walking off. Help the children take their two-minute turns until one or both get interested in a different toy.

As the children get older and have grasped the concept of sharing, a new rule goes into effect to hold them accountable for what they already know. The new rule is this: if a toy is causing two children to be unkind toward each other, remove the toy. Neither may have it. Emphasize that their attitudes toward each other are more important than a toy. People are more important than things.