Intentional Parents

Anyone who has watched “The Sound of Music” might feel a bit intimidated when we start talking about families and music. The topic can conjure up scenes of lining up to sing before a group of dinner guests or performing beautiful multi-part harmony in a singing contest. Relax. Our children can’t sing in three- and four-part harmony yet either. However, we have enjoyed both making and listening to music over the years. Here’s how.

Making Music

1. Teach what you know.

   If you know how to play an instrument, show your children how to play it as well. Start slowly and keep things relaxed. We’re not advocating forcing a child to practice long hours on your favorite instrument! Simply give the child a taste of how the instrument works, and let him try it a few times. If he continues to show interest, provide more opportunities.

   The same principle applies for singing. If you enjoy singing, sing! And invite your children to sing along. Don’t underestimate the power of your attitude toward singing or playing. If you enjoy singing or playing an instrument, your child will soak up that atmosphere. A positive attitude goes a long way toward enjoying music.

2. Learn what you want to know.

   Is there an instrument you would like to learn to play? That desire can provide a great opportunity! Years ago my husband wanted to learn to play a bass. So he did research on the Internet and at local guitar shops, bought a used bass and a how-to video, and started in. Our children learned a lot by watching him gather the resources in order to teach himself a skill. They saw him (heard him, really) sit down with that bass every night after work to practice and play and try new things. It wasn’t a chore or something he had to do; it was simply something he really wanted to learn.

   Over the years, they saw that same routine repeated with a drum set, a guitar, a stand-up bass, a banjo, a mandolin, and djembe drums. As the children grew older, he started inviting them to play also; he would show them what he was trying to learn and let them try it too. After they reached a certain point of skill on one of the instruments, he would bring out one of the other instruments and they would play duets.

   Our children are getting wonderful exposure to many different instruments. But they’re also learning a valuable lesson in education: you can teach yourself just about anything you want to learn with the right resources and some diligence.

3. Listen to good examples.

   It’s hard to learn how to sing in harmony if you never hear people singing in harmony. Watch for opportunities to hear live harmony singing — the more informal, the better to begin with. A capella recordings can also be a good resource.

   Don’t overlook people as some of those good “resources.” Form relationships with people in your extended family, church, or neighborhood who are skilled at playing a musical instrument. Invite them to play with you. Let your children watch or participate as they want to. We love getting together with others from our church family and having a “jam session.” Sometimes our children watch from the doorway; sometimes one child joins in playing on an instrument for a song or two. Sometimes our friends’ children join in.

4. Use what you have.

   Once your musical ability has reached an acceptable level, you might want to watch for opportunities to use it outside your home. Maybe you and your children can participate in music ministry at your church’s gatherings. If you feel a bit nervous about displaying your musical abilities outside your home, work up to it gradually. First, sing or play in front of your family members at home; then invite some extended family members or close friends to come listen to a small recital.

   But keep in mind that the location or the size of the audience doesn’t matter. Using your musical ability to encourage other people and bring glory to God is the key.

Listening to Music

We talked in a previous post about listening to and appreciating good music. Here’s a quick review. The easiest way to introduce the great composers to your children is to listen to their works, focusing on one composer at a time. You can find CDs that feature the music of one composer at a reasonable price. Then just choose one composer and play that person’s CD occasionally for about six weeks as background music during a meal or while running errands. By the end of the six weeks, your children (and you) will have a pretty good “feel” for that composer’s style and several of his works. (Oh, and here’s a tip: Start playing the CD at various tracks during those six weeks, otherwise you’ll know the first song on the CD very well but not the last one.)

If you’d like to add some fun activities to those listening times, you could choose one song to play and invite your children to draw what that song makes them think of or to move in a way that the song makes them want to move. (Another tip: If you are familiar with the songs on the CD, you can use this movement activity in your favor. For example, play a rousing piece if you want the children to use up some energy, or play a quiet piece if you want them to calm down. Don’t ask how I learned this tip. Suffice it to say that Rossini’s “William Tell Overture” is not a good bedtime piece.)

Now, not every family will consider music to be a “natural” part of their lives. That’s okay. A wise woman once told me, “Teach who you are.” But if you have a desire to grow in your musical abilities and experiences, don’t be afraid to take your children along with you. Charlotte Mason once reflected, “It would be hard to say how much that passes for inherited musical taste and ability is the result of the constant hearing and producing of musical sounds, the habit of music, that the child of musical people grows up with.”

It’s never too late to become a musical person or a musical family.

Q & A

Q: At what age should my child start music lessons?

A: That answer depends on the child and the instrument. Normally, I recommend that a child start formal music lessons at about eight years old. Especially with piano, a small child’s fingers may not be strong enough or his hand large enough to play correctly, and he may learn bad habits of form.

Be careful about hurrying a child into formal lessons; childhood should contain lots of free time and fun exploration. Informal lessons are great for this age group. Remember that a commitment to formal music lessons should teach the child about faithfulness, diligence, perseverance, and stewardship. Such a commitment is a huge responsibility for a small child to bear without growing weary.

However, some children are ready to start lessons earlier than age eight. May I make one suggestion? If your young child is taking formal music lessons, see if you can arrange for two shorter (fifteen minutes) lesson times per week instead of the traditional one half-hour lesson per week. Two shorter lesson times accomplish a couple of good things: (1) Shorter lessons encourage the habit of paying full attention; the longer a lesson goes, the more opportunity for the child to develop a bad habit of dawdling or daydreaming; (2) Usually the first songs a child learns in formal lessons are quite short and simple. Practicing those same songs for a whole week can easily lead to boredom and, again, a habit of dawdling. Whereas, preparing that song for a lesson in just two or three days can cultivate the habit of full attention to the task at hand; plus, the child will progress more quickly through the book and keep encouraged at that progress.

This entry was posted on Monday, January 1st, 2007 at 8:25 pm and is filed under Enjoyable Pastimes, The Five Gifts of Intentional Parents. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.