I was busy in the kitchen preparing a meal for a young mom with a new baby. In the craft room, the older girls were sewing the binding on a quilt they had made for the baby. (Their grandmother ignited the fire for quilting and shared some patterns with them while living with us this winter.) The younger children were eagerly awaiting a chance to play with the toddlers of the new mom when we dropped off the meal.
While waiting for the potatoes to cook, I received a phone call from a middle-aged friend with a prayer request. So I gathered the children together, explained the situation that our friend was facing, and we prayed together.
Before heading off to deliver the food, I checked my e-mail. There was a message from another friend: a parent of some teen-age children. She wanted to set up a date to get all our children together and go for a walk.
Did you notice how many ages were involved in the day’s events described above? Friends from as young as newborns to as old as grandparents. That’s inter-generational living. “Inter-generational” means that the generations are intermixed, living life together, not separated according to age.
For some reason, our culture assumes that children must be herded into age groups, isolated with others just their age for most of their time every day. But I don’t see age segregation in the Bible. I see family members living and learning together, helping each other and interacting with other families; I see grandparents and older adults coming alongside younger parents and letting them benefit from their wisdom; I see Jesus teaching all ages in one group; I see parents discipling their children by spending lots of time with them. And I don’t think those inter-generational situations occurred simply by chance. God has a reason for combining the age groups throughout life. Let’s talk a little about the benefits of surrounding your children with people of all ages.
-
Inter-generational living increases opportunities for discipleship.
God designed the family to be inter-generational — and for good reason. His plan of discipleship involves younger and older interacting in the daily circumstances of life, learning together how to follow the Lord more closely. As the older live with and teach the younger in everyday situations, they can more easily reach the heart, not just the mind.
Inter-generational living gives the child more time with wise, godly older people. Proverbs 12:19 presents the truth, “He that walketh with wise men shall be wise; but the companion of fools shall be destroyed.” Now, I don’t know your child’s friends, but I wouldn’t consider many children to be wise. Why then does our society keep children with other children? Our children need to walk with wise people in order to become wise. They need to spend a lot of life with wiser, more mature people, not with their peers.
Another aspect of the beauty of God’s plan for inter-generational discipleship is that when a child is surrounded by both older and younger, he learns how God’s plan works and he catches a vision of his role in that plan. You see, it works both ways: a believer who lives inter-generationally will always have someone older to learn from and someone younger to teach. As the child walks with wiser, older people, he also realizes that the younger kids consider him to be older and wiser. He learns that it matters what he does; he is not an island unto himself.
-
Avoiding age-segregated classes and activities protects your child’s heart.
Let’s face it: children can be downright mean to each other. Children who spend a lot of time in an age-isolated group tend to set up foolish standards that breed comparison and competition. Yet Scripture tells us explicitly not to compare ourselves with others (2 Corinthians 10:12) and to help each other, not try to beat each other (Philippians 2:2-4).
Proverbs 22:15 explains that “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child,” and it seems that most of this foolishness surfaces when parents aren’t around and several children are left to their own devices with minimal adult supervision. Keeping the ages integrated and your children by your side checks this potentially crushing situation and protects your child’s heart from those wounding words and attitudes. Sure, someone may still say something that hurts your child’s feelings, but when that happens you are there to experience it along with your child and to help him deal with it in a gracious, loving manner (a discipleship opportunity again).
(Of course, this principle assumes that you are training your children to treat their siblings with kindness and Christian love. Wounding words and attitudes can fly between siblings too. Please make sure that Christian living begins in the home. Rule of thumb: If you wouldn’t allow your child to say or do something to a guest, don’t allow him to say or do it to a sibling. Scripture holds up “brotherly love” as a model to follow, not an exception.)
-
Inter-generational living broadens your child’s horizons.
Age segregation robs a child of many meaningful, beneficial, and Biblical relationships. Children who are isolated by age tend to develop a disdain for any other age group. But those who regularly interact with all ages realize that everyone has value, no matter how old. They can more easily be taught to protect the younger and respect the older.
As your children spend time with those younger than they are, they learn to nurture and care for babies and toddlers; they learn to help the parents of those babies and toddlers as they are able; they see and hear firsthand what goes into caring for a baby; they realize the importance of discipline and obedience in children; they experience the thrill of each developmental milestone; and they develop the characteristic of patience as they help and protect those little ones.
As they spend time with people older than they are, your children learn to carry on intelligent conversations with adults; they learn from a variety of people with a variety of hobbies and interests; they benefit from large amounts of time together that give opportunities for everyday discipleship; they keep the elderly engaged in life, and give them meaningful relationships that preserve their dignity and give them a reason to get out of bed in the morning; the children learn to care for and respect the older; they see firsthand the cycle of life and how bodies can change; and they learn to be considerate of others’ limitations. They also learn history firsthand as the elder recounts stories of his life.
So many of these wonderful relationships are missed or stunted because of busy, age-segregated activities dominating a child’s schedule. Relationships thrive on shared experiences and time spent together. Clear your child’s calendar and broaden his horizons through real people of all ages.
-
Inter-generational living provides frequent opportunities for relevant ministry and service.
The majority of ministry happens in everyday life situations, not just a couple of hours a week at the church building. Inter-generational living provides many opportunities for real service. Your children will see real needs around them firsthand because they regularly spend the time to listen, watch, and help real people.
They notice when an elderly friend needs help with yard work, and they don’t think twice about raking that person’s yard that week. They hear the discouraged young mom’s voice telling how she’s so tired that she hasn’t been able to unpack all the boxes from the move into their new house, and they immediately ask which day would work best for them to come play with the toddlers and help unpack. They pick up an extra brick of suet to give to another mom because they know she loves birds but money has been tight recently. These acts of service come naturally because these people are our family’s friends and thus, our children’s friends. With such a wide range of friends comes a wide range of service opportunities!
Inter-generational living is God’s design for discipleship, protection, learning, and ministry. Minimize the amount of time your child is in age-segregated activities. Look around you and intentionally develop friendships with people of all age groups. Surround your child with a wide range of ages, and watch that child flourish.
Q & A
Q: What are some ways you seek to live inter-generationally?
A: Good question. Well, we try to keep our children in age-integrated situations as much as possible. They spend their days among their siblings of various ages and with us, their parents, as we homeschool. We’re thankful that their grandparents will be moving to our area this summer; soon they will be able to interact with them just about every day. We stay together as a household for Bible studies and worship at our church, and gather with other age-integrated families weekly to talk about how God is working in our lives and to pray all together. We belong to a homeschool group that includes children of many ages and their parents in our activities. Basically, the children stay by our side as we interact with the people of various ages whom God brings into our lives.
Q: By keeping your children by your side, aren’t you sheltering them from the real world?
A: If you think about it, real life is full of interaction with people of many ages. Neighborhoods, work places, grocery stores, holiday gatherings, shopping malls, banks, and interstate highways (to name a few) are filled with people of all ages. Age segregation is really the artificial environment. At what other time in life is a person isolated with only those his own age? No, my children live in the real world every day as they walk by my side.
