Intentional Parents

Meet the Cox Family —

Jan and Jerry quickly compare calendars as Jerry grabs a breakfast bar and heads for the door.

“OK, I can pick up Trent from school and drop him off at play practice before I take Tina to softball. But you’ll have to pick him up on your way home, because I have a meeting with Tina’s piano teacher about the open house,” says Jan.

“What time is his play practice done?” Jerry asks.

“Should be over by 5:30,” replies Jan as Trent walks into the kitchen.

“Mom, tonight’s the pizza party,” he reminds her.

Jan sighs. “So when will that be done?” she inquires.

Trent shrugs his shoulders.

“How about if I come straight home and Trent can call when he’s ready for us to come get him?” offers Jerry.

“I’ll do my best to get here by 6:45. If I’m not here by then, we’ll just meet you at the church. OK?”

“That should work. Trent, you’ve got my cell phone number, right?” confirms Jerry. “I’ve got to get going or I’ll be late for work. Have a good day, everybody!”

Meet the O’Brien Family —

With school work behind them, Mary and Jack settle down to a snack of freshly-baked cookies.

“What do you have planned for this afternoon?” asks Mom, pulling out a chair to join them.

“I’m going to work on the fort,” Jack replies immediately. “Tom and I finished the fire pit yesterday, so today we’re going to start work on the roof.”

“That’s great! Be sure to have Dad check out the pit before you build a fire in it,” Mom reminds him. “What about you, Mary? Did you want to start painting that chair for your desk?”

“I thought I might work a little more on that afghan I’m crocheting first,” says Mary. “I’d like to get it finished in time for grandma’s birthday.”

“OK. Could you both give me some help in the garden after supper, when it’s cooler outside?” Mom inquires. “Quite a few tomatoes are ready to be picked and the beans need weeding.”

—————–

The Cox Family hits close to home for many of us. Does the O’Brien Family sound like a dream? It doesn’t have to be a dream. That simpler life is a gift we can give our children. All it takes is an intentional decision to put family time first and limit individual “outside” activities that rob family time. Create some leisure time in your schedule by saying no. Replace those segregated, structured activities with enjoyable pastimes that teach creativity and productivity.

Children (and adults) need to be given a wide exposure to all that is wholesome and interesting in life. They need time and resources to nurture the whole person inside them. As parents, we must be careful not to narrow their focus to only physical competition or academic comparison. God has created mankind with a much larger capacity than that.

God made mankind to be able to think great thoughts, to communicate those thoughts in writing and art, to create millions of different musical compositions, to invent helpful tools, and to beautify our surroundings. If we’re not careful, we will miss those enjoyable pastimes as we hurriedly settle for whatever is fast, trendy, and convenient.

In the months ahead we will look at several enjoyable pastimes that intentional parents should give their children. We’ll discuss

• Handcrafts: including woodworking, knitting, crocheting, stamping, leather tooling, and more;
• Art: drawing, painting, sculpting, building, and more;
• Art appreciation: an easy and effective way to introduce great artists to your child;
• Music appreciation: an equally easy and effective way to introduce great composers and favorite musicians to your child;
• Music: fun ways to make and enjoy music together as a family;
• Recreation: physical activities that bring the family together and that your child can carry over into adulthood.

These kinds of enjoyable pastimes will encourage your children’s creativity, feed their souls, protect their innocence, stretch their imaginations, exercise their minds, and challenge them to aspire to great things. These pastimes will give them a great foundation and many tools to take with them into adulthood. These enjoyable pastimes are the second gift of intentional parents.

Q & A

Q: I’m not the artsy-craftsy type. Are you saying I have to teach my children to knit?

A: I’m not the artsy-craftsy type either. No, I’m not saying you have to teach your children to knit. Each family has a unique personality based on the interests and abilities of the parents and children. Don’t try to be something you’re not. Teach who you are.

Two of my children have learned how to knit and crochet. I don’t know how to do either, but the Lord knew that my girls would enjoy those pastimes and He sent people into our lives who could teach them. My job is not to take a crash course in every enjoyable pastime I can think of, but to supply my children with the resources — raw materials and people or other instructions — and give them plenty of time, space, and encouragement to experience and learn.

That being said, please don’t limit yourself. If you want your children to love learning and to be equipped to continue learning all their lives, you need to model that desire yourself. Don’t be afraid to try new things that you might enjoy. In fact, learn along with your child whenever possible. Those shared experiences will create great memories and a strong bond between you.

Q: How can I teach my children to share?

A: First, let me say that each child should be able to have some toys that are special and don’t have to be shared. Give him a special place to store his special things (a dresser drawer, for example) away from smaller siblings’ hands.

For toys that are in general use, teach young children to share by taking turns. Use a timer to regulate each child’s turn(s). The general guideline is one minute for each year of the youngest child’s age. (If you had a 2-year-old and 4-year-old, set the timer for two minutes each turn.) Explain to David that when the timer beeps it will be Sarah’s turn to play with the toy. If David has trouble waiting, redirect his attention for that short time or do whatever you can to help him wait with a good attitude. If, however, the impatience turns into fussing, explain that David can’t have the toy until he gets control of himself. Even if the timer goes off, the toy does not change hands until David stops fussing. And speaking of changing hands, help both children hand the toy gently to each other; no throwing or dropping it on the floor and walking off. Help the children take their two-minute turns until one or both get interested in a different toy.

As the children get older and have grasped the concept of sharing, a new rule goes into effect to hold them accountable for what they already know. The new rule is this: if a toy is causing two children to be unkind toward each other, remove the toy. Neither may have it. Emphasize that their attitudes toward each other are more important than a toy. People are more important than things.

This entry was posted on Thursday, July 1st, 2004 at 4:27 pm and is filed under Enjoyable Pastimes, The Five Gifts of Intentional Parents. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.