Choosing a Gift for the Party
Jo was embarking on a new adventure; she had decided to start raising and training horses. Her friends, being the supportive people that they are, wanted to throw her a party to celebrate this new venture. They took Jo to her favorite restaurant to enjoy a meal. Then they presented their gifts.
“Here, Jo,” said Fred, “got you a little something.” He handed her a box of assorted chocolates.
“Thanks, Fred,” replied Jo, smiling as she passed the open box around for all to taste.
“Now, mine,” Cindy Lou declared. “I saw this at the tack shop and thought it was just darling, so I had it personalized. The colors are gorgeous, and it’s all the style right now! I hope you love it!”
Jo opened a large box to find a monogrammed saddle blanket. “I’ve never seen one like this, Cindy Lou. And it has a big ‘J’ on it . . . for ‘Jo’? Yes, the colors are gorgeous. Thank you, dear,” Jo responded, holding it up for the others to see.
Steve rather sheepishly handed Jo a plain, white envelope. “Mine doesn’t taste nearly as good as Fred’s or look half as nice as Cindy Lou’s, but I hope you’ll find it useful.”
Jo opened the envelope and started reading the slips of paper that fell to the table. They were handmade certificates good for one hour of cleaning stalls, one hour of mending fences, one hour of exercising horses, one free ride to a horse auction, and unlimited computer support.
Jo was speechless.
Which gift would you consider most valuable? Probably the handmade certificates from Steve. The monogrammed saddle blanket no doubt cost more money than the slips of paper that the certificates were printed on, but Jo would get more benefit from Steve’s gift. You can tell that he took the time to think through what she might need and how he could help her most.
Fred’s gift, the chocolates, didn’t require much thought. In fact, he most likely just grabbed something to avoid coming empty handed. (All you chocoholics, don’t tune out here. Just go along with the illustration.) Cindy Lou’s gift, while thoughtful, wasn’t too practical. It looked nice, but wouldn’t be as useful as Steve’s.
We’ve all probably received (and given) each kind of gift at one time or other: (1) a survival gift, just to get through the party; (2) a default gift, nice-looking and popular but not necessarily helpful; and (3) an intentional gift, well-thought-through and useful to the recipient.
Now let’s bring the illustration over to parenting. What kind of gifts are you bringing to your children’s “party”? You have less than twenty years to equip them for success in their new endeavor: adulthood.
Do you give them bribes or threats? Don’t settle for giving “whatever” just to make it through the child-rearing years. Give them more than just survival gifts.
Do you give them the entertainment and clothes that the rest of the kids in your neighborhood have? Be careful of giving what is popular but not necessarily helpful. Don’t resort to default gifts.
Give your children what is best according to God’s standards; choose your gifts thoughtfully and deliberately. Give them the five gifts of intentional parents: the Bible, enjoyable pastimes, academics, character, and home skills.
For more about the different kinds of gifts that parents give their children, visit www.IntentionalParents.com.
Q & A
Q: How can I set an atmosphere of love and peace in my home?
A: Be a thermostat, not a thermometer. A thermometer registers the temperature of its surroundings. It doesn’t control its surroundings; it merely reacts to them. A thermostat, on the other hand, regulates its surroundings by staying constant. If you want your home to be warm in the winter, you set the thermostat accordingly and expect it to control the temperature of your house.
Parents should be thermostats in their home. If you want your home to be loving and peaceful, set your heart to remain constantly loving and peaceful in your attitude and actions. Your “setting” will influence those around you.
Practically speaking, keep in mind that it’s often hard to stay peaceful when surrounded by clutter. A cluttered house promotes stress and a cluttered mind. Set some clean-up times during the day to de-clutter the living areas of your house. Maybe you could institute quick clean-up times before lunch, before supper, and before bed. If you make these times a habit, they shouldn’t take long at all. You might keep a large basket in the living room in which to throw toys, just to get them off the floor quickly. Make these times fun by playing up-beat praise music. You might even make it a game; for example, see if you can finish by the end of one special song.
Through it all, remember that your attitude is the thermostat. If you work hard at keeping a loving and peaceful countenance and tone of voice, you will help set the atmosphere of love and peace in your home.
Q: How can I get my child to sing in church? She sings at home all the time, but won’t open her mouth at church.
A: First, ask yourself why you want her to sing in church. Is it because you’re concerned with how her behavior makes you look in other people’s opinions? Be careful. It’s easy to slip into “default” parenting by getting hung up in our own pride; we start thinking of how the child’s behavior makes us look to others instead of how the behavior will affect the child long-term. Learn this key principle now: it’s not about me; it’s about my child’s future.
So what to do. Face it, you can’t force her to sing. It looks as if she sings at home from her heart but doesn’t feel secure enough to sing “in front” of others. Don’t force it. She may get the idea that the purpose of singing in church is to perform in front of others instead of worshiping from the heart. As long as she’s quiet and not distracting others, let her be. When she’s ready, she’ll join in.
